GOP Is Psyched That Pro-Life Extremist Paul Ryan's On Romney Ticket

Since Mitt Romney introduced Paul Ryan as his running mate this morning, the response has naturally been immediate and polarizing. An extreme fiscal conservative, Romney wants to cut funding for Medicaid and opposes the Affordable Care Act, which he says "may irrevocably impair the American identity."

Republican House Speaker John Boehner—you know, the guy who told us that the war on women was a Crucible-esque shrieky vagina hallucination—said that Ryan was:

...a reformer and a proven leader... a great partner to Governor Romney in his efforts to get our country, and our economy, back on track. Paul Ryan and Mitt Romney will focus on common sense solutions to stop Washington from spending money it doesn't have and get the federal government out of the way of small business job creators.

New Jersey governor Chris Christie:

With Paul Ryan on the ticket this is a team that understands the economic stagnation our country has been facing the last four years and the urgency with which we need to change course. The Romney-Ryan team is uniquely positioned to make the tough choices necessary to confront our fiscal challenges and get results."

Michelle Bachmann, who needs no introduction:

Americans know we will grow when we are strong. The Romney-Ryan Republican ticket is our Comeback Ticket to prosperity and strength. I'm proud to support these men and look forward to their success

There are a lot more, but I just ate, so you can read them on CNN.

The reason high-profile Republicans are tripping over themselves is this: Paul Ryan is a crazy person. Since 1999, The National Right to Life Committee has scored his voting record 100%. He supports the Sanctity of Human Life Act, which declares that life begins with fertilization, and opposes abortion even in the cases of incest and rape. This pro-life essay written by Ryan, the Daily Beast points out, he mentions neither the word "mother" or "woman" once. When he ran for Congress in 1998, his pro-life stance was a major platform: he called a woman's right to choose an amoral exercise of "arbitrary will." Oh, and he also plans to allow those organizations that aren't quite church-affiliated to abstain from providing free contraception as part of female employee's health care, which means if the Romney/Ryan ticket wins, these assholes get a whole lot of wiggle room.

This morning, Planned Parenthood released this image and Tweeted their indignation:

Actually, this might be the most indicative statement made by Ryan:

[T]he reason I got involved in public service, by and large, if I had to credit one thinker…it would be Ayn Rand.

And, scene.

'5 Things You Need To Know About Paul Ryan's Stance On Women's Issues' [Buzzfeed]
'Paul Ryan's Extreme Abortion Views' [The Daily Beast]
Republicans react to Romney's choice of Ryan for running mate [CNN]