Naked Sushi Is the Most Dehumanizing Way to Enjoy Spicy Tuna

Money can buy a lot of useful things floating around in the world, such as lawnmowers or coffee makers. If you have enough money — so much money that misplacing some of it doesn’t totally freak you out — you can afford some less useful but perhaps more entertaining things, such as nice dinners out, perhaps at your favorite sushi peddler who perhaps serves said sushi on the prone, naked body of a conventionally attractive fellow human.

“Nyotaimori,” the practice of serving sashimi or sushi on naked bodies, is the gimmick one Miami sushi restaurant is using to lure in raw-fish connoisseurs who have money to burn. Literally burn, as in rake into a small pile, dose with lighter fluid, and summarily immolate. This is because Kung Fu Kitchen & Sushi’s nyotaimori special (which lasts until Sept. 30 if anyone is trying to plan a late-summer getaway to South Florida) starts at $500 and feeds about 15 people, mostly garrulous, semi-drunk people who are on their way to getting more drunk and want to make a quick pitstop to a place that will let them wantonly display how much disposable income they have.

Nathan Lieberman, Kung Fu’s owner as well as owner of the best professional title on the Eastern Seaboard, explained that patrons can eat sushi off of a naked male or female model, that the models will talk (which somehow makes this all a little grosser), and that this sort of eating arrangement has so far been most popular with the usual naked sushi suspects — “groups, parties, bachelor parties, bachelorette parties, birthday parties.” The models are thoroughly de-loused and disinfected before feedings, and they’re not technically naked — banana leaves are carefully placed over their reproductive organs because nothing screams, “Health code violation!” quite like a Yelp review that begins like this: “My experience at Kung-Fu Kitchen & Sushi might have been better if I didn’t get mouth gonorrhea from eating a spicy tuna roll off of a stranger’s semi-erect penis.”

Kung Fu Kitchen & Sushi offers naked sushi eating [Local 10]

Florida patrons willing to drop at least $500 can have sushi served on the body of a prone model [NYDN]