Oh no! Olympic disaster! Some sensible old chap over at the Daily Telegraph was having a corking good time watching the ladies do their precious little Olympic lady-follies when he came across a phenomenon so depraved, so disturbing and unnatural, that he was all, "'ERE! WOT'S ALL THIS THEN!?" and upended his beans on toast all over the davenport. It was women...fighting. Like blokes!
His next thought: Take to the internet and ALERT THE LADS POSTHASTE. I'm just going to paste most of his Telegraph column here because it is hella short and dumb:
Watching Gemma Gibbons gaining Britain's first judo medal in 12 years, I found myself wondering: is women fighting each other violently a perfectly wholesome spectator sport? This wasn't a bit of pretend wrestling. Gemma and her American opponent, Kayla Harrison, were properly grappling with each other, throwing each other with full force onto the mat. They both showed pure, naked, fierce, animalistic aggression of a sort that one doesn't naturally associate with women—or girls for that matter. Quite honestly my initial reaction was one of shock.
...With those judo contestants—and I realise this will probably sound appallingly sexist—I couldn't help wondering about their soft limbs battered black and blue with bruises. Would it bother me to see one of my own daughters savagely attacking another woman on a judo mat for people's entertainment? I'm really not sure. Possibly. On the other hand I might be proud of her skill. I know full well that, as a bloke, it's none of my business, but it's what I thought and felt.
Okay. First of all, enough with this rhetorical strategy where you act like acknowledging sexism makes it impossible for you to actually be sexist. Bullcorn. This reaction—abject horror at the prospect of women becoming big, strong, aggressive, capable, active, and even violent—is a sexist reaction. It is an ancient point of view. It is as musty and dank as the folds of great grandmamma's third best chemise after a long day of scouring.
Even though I'm sure Mr. Brown doesn't consciously intend it this way, there's something blatantly proprietary (and not-so-subtly sexual) about this whole thing. "But but but what if my woman-thing gets messed up and then it's not as pretty when I eventually have sex with it!?!?" But good news! Don't even worry about it, bro. These Olympic judo medalists will definitely never fuck you.
To be clear: Anything on earth that a woman is capable of doing is womanly. It is impossible for a woman to be unwomanly because a woman is a woman. Therefore, anything a woman does is womanly by default. Fighting is womanly. Winning fights is womanly. Bruises are womanly. Savagery is womanly. Unwholesomeness is womanly. Athleticism is womanly. And not giving a shit what some poor delicate flower of a newspaper columnist thinks about your womanliness is super fucking womanly.