It's been a busy week for your boyfriend US swimmer Ryan Lochte. First, he moistened America's vaginas by undulating suggestively through the water whilst wearing a Speedo, then he dried them back up again when he tried to wear that stupid America grill on the medal stand after winning gold. But even in the midst of his exhausting schedule of winking at cameras, making that fist clenching and shaking them over opposite shoulders "I WIN! I AM A WINNER" gesture, and having sex with you in your imagination, he's found time to share his thoughts on The Ladies — what's confusing about them, what clothes look good on them. And, Ryan — bless his aquatic, superhuman heart — should probably stick to swimming.
Women's Health chatted briefly with Lochte at the Games and asked him some gravely important questions about how he feels about women. They're confusing, but also interesting, he offers. He likes to have sex with the lights on and he rarely wears clothes, he adds. And if he could have one super power in the world, it would be the power to read women's thoughts (here's the point in the interview that no one had the heart to tell him that if he could tell what women are thinking, it's that they wonder how Ryan Lochte's penis looks) like how Mel Gibson reads women's thoughts in What Women Want. Oh, Ryan.
But the best bit of the interview is when they ask him what clothes look most fetching on a woman. Thankfully, Lochte didn't say "nothing," which is a thing that guys who will give you crabs say; instead, he said they look good one of his long sleeved button down shirts "and that's all," or in white jeans.
White jeans. Ryan Lochte's dream girl is a YM Trauma Rama anecdote waiting to happen.