Mariah Carey Judging American Idol Is Not Just a Sweet, Sweet Fantasy

As you can probably tell from her gleeful expression, Mariah Carey is super excited to join the American Idol hopes-and-dreams-crushing panel of dimming music stars for the talent show's 12th season. Carey will get somewhere between $12 million (the salary paid to Jennifer Lopez) and $17 million per season, and you can probably bank on the fact that, with the addition of a new diva in the American Idol celebrity sandbox, Lopez almost certainly won't get the raise she's been angling for and, therefore, won't return to what would have been the tensest judging panel on network TV.

Even with news that Carey will be joining American Idol, she may still be able to participate on crosstown rival X Factor's second season as a mentor, a position for which talent-vampire Simon Cowell had been reportedlycourting her. Fox entertainment president Kevin Rolly clapped his hands with hummingbird rapidity and gushed that Carey is "the biggest recording artist that any of these shows have ever had" hot diggity dog, which probably made Jennifer Lopez feel extra inclined to stick around. Though we all might be thrilled (are we? I mean, I love "Fantasy," but it's been a while) about Mariah Carey coming to primetime TV, TMZ wants all her future co-panelists to beware — during a brief Idol appearance in 2008, Carey was apparently a "nightmare" to work with, the kind of matryoshka doll nightmare that you just never wake up from. [EW, TMZ]


Mariah Carey Judging American Idol Is Not Just a Sweet, Sweet Fantasy

Just as you were ready to mourn The Office's descent into mediocrity because you're pathologically pessimistic and can't just look on the bright side every now and again, Mindy Kaling has flown to your rescue by announcing that she's simply "too attached" to Kelly Kapoor to leave the show. So, in addition to her showrunner duties for The Mindy Project, Kaling will return for Season 9 of The Office, definitely for two episodes (including the pilot), though she could do more because she's crazy like that. [HuffPo]


Mariah Carey Judging American Idol Is Not Just a Sweet, Sweet Fantasy

Hooray for Cybill Shepherd! The actress has received an engagement ring from her beau, a former jeweler named Andrei Nikolajevic. Shepherd has been married twice before, but it seems pretty obvious that this latest engagement ring ought to be the fanciest of all. We should all celebrate the forthcoming nuptials tonight with champagne and a viewing of The Last Picture Show, you know, just to put all the happy thoughts we're having in perspective. [NYDN]


Mariah Carey Judging American Idol Is Not Just a Sweet, Sweet Fantasy

Warner Bros. is considering making some last-minute changes to its September ensemble crime drama Gangster Squad, specifically cutting/editing a scene in which gangsters open fire in a crowded movie theater. Studio execs. are tossing around other ways to ensure that Squad isn't avoided like a fresh-bitten ancillary character in a zombie flick, such as postponing the movie's release date and canceling upcoming test screenings. The studio has also pulled the movie's theatrical trailer and has removed it from YouTube. [L.A. Times]


Mariah Carey Judging American Idol Is Not Just a Sweet, Sweet Fantasy

Kirstie Alley is being sued by a California woman who claims that the actress lied about how she lost nearly 100 pounds. Alley endorses a product called Organic Liaison (diiiiiirty), which is supposed to help people lose massive amounts of weight instantly. According to this lawsuit, however, Organic Liaison does no such thing — the plaintiff claims that the product is just calcium, fiber, and pureed wood chips from a playground frequented by overactive children. [TMZ]


  • In related Idol gossip, the talent show will send its magic school bus across these United States in order to host small-town tryouts in places like Billings, Montana, and Idaho Falls, Idaho. [AP]
  • Ben Stiller, who's in a unique position to comment on the Colorado shooting after his upcoming movie The Watch changed its trailer in the wake of Trayvon Martin's death, has spoken out about how horrible last week's events were. [E!]
  • The Muppets have also spoken out how how horrible Chik-fil-A is for its homophobia and general corporate ickiness. [E!]
  • Speaking of muppets, Selma Blair tweeted pictures of her son Saint being very wary of the crazy-eyed Elmo cake he got for his first birthday. [E!]
  • Everybody seems to be speculating on the reasons alleged movie theater gunman James Holmes didn't demonstrate better courtroom etiquette by shaving off his orange-dyed hair, which is fine except that it is not one fucking bit relevant. [E!]
  • A gust of wind blew Secret Life of the American Teenager actress Francia Raisa's dress up at the Teen Choice Awards, revealing the Spandex exercise shorts she wears just in case something like this happens at a big event. [Us]
  • Rick Ross's tour bus was ransacked for Pixie Sticks and soda pop by mischievous tour-bus elves in Detroit. [TMZ]
  • Elton John doesn't think he should be here right now because of the "destructive lifestyle" he lived back when he was still churning out good music, but the fact is that he is here and we'll all just have to deal with it. [AP]
  • Chad Ochocinco, a professional football player with only the most rudimentary and ironic grasp of the Spanish language, has officially changed his name back to Chad Johnson after an experiment in semiotics gone horribly awry. [CBS]
  • Mary Poppins will sternly reprimand Voldemort for being such a bad wizard during the Olympics' opening ceremony. [Yahoo!]
  • Anne Hathaway's currently incarcerated ex-beau Raffaello Follieri, apparently unaware of what just happened in the world, has released some candid photos of Hathaway getting ready to eat what looks like a delicious omelette. [E!]
  • Pretty soon Max George from The Wanted will think nostalgically about breakfasts with girlfriend Michelle Keegan — the couple of two years is splitting up. [Us]
  • Fred Willard is hoping to diffuse some of the awkwardness of his arrest by quipping that the skin flick he was allegedly caught waving his boner at was "lousy." [HuffPo]
  • Behold ABC and despair! The Bachelorette has no intentions of featuring a plus-size cast. [HuffPo]
  • Nick Stahl (who had still been M.I.A.) has returned to his family, will be going to AA, and is "in a good place," just in case any of you were still holding your breath after he disappeared a second time. [TMZ]
  • Charlie Sheen and Snooki hugged, which act of intimacy has triggered the doomsday countdown. [E!]
  • Robert Pattinson has no plans — yet! — to propose marriage to Kristen Stewart. [MTV]
  • Frank Pierson, the screenwriter who wrote Dog Day Afternoon, has died in Los Angeles at the age of 87. [HuffPo]
  • The Choir, a heartwarming show about choral director Gareth Malone uniting communities through the healing power of vocal harmony, will be getting a U.S. adaptation, i.e. it will be getting motorcycles, explosions, and heated, pointless rivalries. [Vulture]
  • Some nosey person snapped a picture of Avril Lavigne playing with her friend's boobs. [The Superficial]
  • Katherine Jackson doesn't know what all the fuss over her alleged "disappearance" is about — she's just relaxing in Arizona. [TMZ]