Taking a pregnancy test can be a nerve-wracking, stomach-churning, mindfucking experience. As such, the best way for a lady to calm her Am I Pregnant? jitters is to head on down to her local pub, knock back a few girly drinks, and then, when she's just about three sheets to the wind, head to the restroom, where she can buy a pregnancy test from a vending machine and instantly analyze her Appletini pee for traces of telltale pregnancy hormones. Pregnancy test vending machines in bar bathrooms: the wave of the future!
Or, at least, the wave of the present for one bar in Minnesota. According to City Pages, Mankato's Pub 500 may bear the distinction of being the first bar in the world to contain its own ladies' room pregnancy test dispensary. Only $3 will get patrons the chance to act like a happy maniac or sad maniac in public. It also gives laughing groups of drunk chicks another thing to bond over.
Pub 500 isn't trying to be cute or ironic, either; the machine was installed by a group called Healthy Brains for Children, which aims to not only prevent birth defects, but to educate women on the importance of taking care of themselves during pregnancy. The group's director Jody Allen Crowe told CP that the bathroom pee strip dispensaries put "the message and the tool" within women's reach. In addition to preventing alcohol-induced birth defects, the machines, which bear bright pink posters chiding women to "THINK BEFORE YOU DRINK," will assure that no man in Mankato, Minnesota gets to have drunken post-bar sex with a lady again. And forget dirty bathroom stall sex. Healthy Brains for Kids plans to expand its consciousness-raising, cockblocking efforts to other bars; according to Crowe, the group hopes to one day have bar bathroom stall pregnancy test dispensers scattered from coast to coast, like Super Wal Marts, motorized wheelchair repairmen, and fitness centers for ladies that contain the word "Flirty" in the title.
It's really too bad the pregnancy tests can't double as pee breathalyzers or hangover detector tests — if you get a plus sign, that means that tomorrow you're going to feel like shit unless you start chugging water right now.
Congratulations! It's a whisky!
Image via Hadi Djunaedi/Shutterstock