It might go without saying that the person you marry or live in a state of impending hellfire with will probably have a significant impact on your health. Say, for instance, you briefly become the highest-paid actress of all time, divorce your old, bald husband, then marry the strapping young actor famous for playing the stupid character on That 70s Show. In that instance, there's a slight chance that your life will be cut tragically short, probably in a grisly wake-boarding accident in Tahoe. If you're just some normie bopping along in the world and decide to get married, you can probably expect to live a little longer. Unless of course you're black, in which case marriage, according to new research, doesn't have any impact on your health at all.
Jezebel · Doug Barry