The Greek island of Mykonos—the "gay capital of the Mediterranean"—probably isn't where I would go if I were trying to quell rumors about my secret gay touchings, but, you know, everyone's a special snowflake. John Travolta and Kelly Preston were photographed walking hand-in-hand through the streets of the lovely vacation spot, where they're reportedly soaking up some much-needed relaxation (and absolutely zero men's penises). In their defense, I can personally testify that Mykonos isn't exclusively a haven for gay shenanigans—when I was there in 2004, a Greek high school gymnast pinned me unwillingly against a stone wall and promptly ejaculated in his pants. Okay, at the time it was mostly just awkward and I ran away unscathed, but now that I write it down it sounds pretty fucking horrifying. Screw you, creepy Greek man-child! Gross! [Radar]
Jada Pinkett Smith testified today in front of a Senate committee on human trafficking ("The Next Ten Years In The Fight Against Human Trafficking: Attacking The Problem With The Right Tools"), causing Willow Smith to tweet: "I'm getting radical on human trafficking!!!" [JustJared]
Joseph Gordon-Levitt is hella mad at GQ for printing empty allegations about his brother's death. Here's the statement he posted on his tumblr:
First of all, I'd like to thank both of the Jims and everyone else at GQ for putting me on the cover of their magazine this month. That kind of exposure is a huge help to all the work I love to do, and I'm deeply appreciative.
I'm writing this because I have a problem with what their article says about my brother. I'll be honest, it really made me feel terrible. Here's a quote: ‘the elder Gordon-Levitt died of an alleged drug overdose in 2010. "It was an accident" is all Joe will say about that.'
Using the word ‘alleged' technically allows the writer to say whatever she wants. The ‘allegations' to which she must be referring were made by a handful of gossip websites. They are factually incorrect according to the coroner's office and the police department. I don't like publicly speaking about my brother's death, but I'm making an exception to correct this irresponsible claim.
By the way, while I asked the writer not to dwell on how he died, I did say quite a bit about how he lived, and how much he means to me. Dan was a brightly positive, genuinely caring, and brilliantly inspiring person, and I liked the idea of such a wide readership learning about him. My parents and I are disappointed with what the article chose to focus on regarding this sensitive subject.
Fuck, he is classy and adorable. [JustJared]
A large rubber balloon overinflated with gravy steam and calling itself Rush Limbaugh thinks that The Dark Knight Rises is trying to brainwash audiences into hating Mitt Romney by naming its villain "Bane." People, he says, are "gonna hear Bane in the movie and they're gonna associate Bain. The thought is that when they start paying attention to the campaign later in the year, and Obama and the Democrats keep talking about Bain, Romney and Bain, that these people will think back to the Batman movie." Yes, that is exactly how the universe works. That's why we elected that talking badger from Prince Caspian back in 2008. [Deadline]
- Russell Brand says that Katy Perry gave him an "ass-ache." :-| [ONTD]
- Johnny Depp is "relieved" to be away from Vanessa Paradis. [ShowbizSpy]
- Jennifer Lopez "isn't giving up on the 'fairy tale' of marriage." This story would be way better if it said that she wasn't giving up on the fairy tale of Rumplestiltskin, and then she gave her baby to a madman who told her a weird story about straw. [People]
- David Hasselhoff is 60. Coincidentally, my patience for David Hasselhoff at this point is negative 60. Million. [Us]
- Here's Daniel Agrocrag cragging around on a motorcycle looking craggy. [E!]
- Here's Gallagher in a Geico commercial. Gallagher and I don't like each other. [Vulture]
- Tia and Tamera Mowry claim that they could defeat the Olsen twins in a fight to the death. [CNN]
- Solange haaaaaaaaaaaaaaates Kim Kardashian. [VibeVixen]
- Pete Doherty haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaates not being kicked out of rehab. [Express]
- You can live in Kelly Clarkson's house if you have $1.5 million and the weirdest priorities ever. [People]
- I tried to ignore this story because I don't know who either of these people are, but it came up in the feed like 4,000 times so I guess someone thinks it's important. Jennifer Morrison is dating Sebastian Stan. There. Are you happy? [HuffPo]
- Wait, Kris Humphries is a basketball player? I thought he was just a big pile of baked beans that never shuts up. [E!]
- After Lindsay Lohan blamed faulty brakes for her car accident last month, Porsche attempted to clear its good name by testing her car themselves. The verdict: Shut up, Lindsay you liar. [CelebSlam]
- This photo of Ashley Tisdale in a bikini seems like as good an excuse as any to watch my favorite clip from High School Musical 2. You're welcome. [HuffPo]
- Catching Fire casting news: Sam Claflin might play Finnick, Tony Shalhoub might play Beetee, and Melissa Leo might play
that old lady who's always making soup out of squirrel leather and stuffthat badass old lady who volunteered for the Quarter Quell so that Finnick's girlfriend could stay home (oops). [Vulture]