ADELE, YOU SLY DOG. As it turns out, the old “sitcom star sits on the couch with a pillow over her stomach for the entire season because she’s supposed to be an unlucky-in-love Single Woman Lawyer and they didn’t feel like writing a pregnancy into the script” works occasionally! Although the singer announced her enceinte-ness with boyfriend Simon Konecki’s kid as recently as June 29th, she’s been hiding her pregnancy for seven months in order to keep it a secret from the press as long as possible. That means that a golden-piped magicbaby will be here in a scant two months. And THAT means you better start making a refreshing cucumber salad for the baby shower potluck with the following words crudely spelled out in dill: “Your Terrible Breakup Album Helped Me Get Over A Terrible Breakup Congrats On Popping Out Child :DDD” [The Sun]
“When I had my knee replaced just over two and a half years ago, I found a lover,” begins Jane Fonda in the best way possible. “His name is Richard Perry, he is 70 and he is a music producer. The only thing I have never known is true intimacy with a man. I absolutely wanted to discover that before dying. It has happened with Richard. I feel totally secure with him. Often, when we make love, I see him as he was 30 years ago. At 74, I have never had such a fulfilling sex life. When I was young I had so many inhibitions – I didn’t know what I desired.” You heard it here first—Jane Fonda: Not a player, just fucks a lot, etc. [The Sun]
Lindsay Lohan is supposedly in talks to star in Scary Movie 5, the long-awaited sequel to The Pianist, The Pianist 2, The Pianist 3: Adrien Brody Goes To White Castle and The Pianist 4: Adrien Brody Escapes From Guantanamo Bay. Lohan met with Bob Weinstein last week about joining the film opposite Ashley Tisdale. The scariest thing about this is that people still trust Lindsay Lohan with jobs. [Page Six]
After taking a whiskey drink, a vodka drink, a lager drink and a cider drink, late ’90s anthemic band Chumbawamba has called it a night. Let’s all just take a moment. (Also, who knew there were two women in Chumbawamba? I did not.) [Guardian UK]
- Missy Elliott‘s new Lamborghini is being held hostage by an Illinois car dealership. [TMZ]
- Jamie Campbell Bower and Lily Collins are maybe dating. [Daily Mail]
- Kellan Lutz hung out with some alligators. [Monsters And Critics]
- Paula Abdul and Simon Cowell are still friends so DON’T WORRY, AMERICA. [Monsters and Critics]
- Bono recorded Lady Gaga’s “Telephone” for his daughter. And Michael Bay was there, and Kobe Bryant was there, and Fabolous was there. [Monsters and Critics]
- A family friend is now under investigation for the Jet-Ski accident that left Usher’s young stepson brain-dead. [NYDN]
- “What Do Penises Have To Do With Howie Mandel’s Favorite Airplane Prank?” asks someone very good at writing headlines. [HuffPo]
- Kimye went shopping in hoodies. [Daily Mail]
- Kanye West: “I am flawed as a person. As a man, I am flawed. BUT MY MUSIC IS PERFECT!” Oh. OK. [Vulture]
- Khloe Kardashian Odom is being considered as a host for X Factor. [E! Online]
- Adam Lambert might replace Randy Jackson as a host on American Idol. [Fox News]
- Beyoncé posted a nice tribute to Frank Ocean on her blog. [E! Online, Beyonce.com]
- Within 11 days of filing, Tomkat’s divorce is finalized. [KSLA News 12]
- Also: “Victoria Beckham‘s been a real tower of strength. Katie’s seen how a normal marriage should function by being around Victoria and David Beckham, so she knew that something was wrong with her relationship with Tom.” I’ll say. [Now Magazine]
- HEY INTERNET GIRL, allow Aaron Sorkin to inform you that “Fox News lies and misleads viewers” as if this news is new or surprising in any way. Now go pratfall and not know how to use email. [Metro]
- Ray Romano is still making hilaaaaarious jokes about booooringgg marriaaaaaage. [HuffPo]
- Paul Rudd‘s coming to Broadway! [Examiner]
- Anne Hathaway clarifies that her weight in Les Mis was an unhealthy-French Revolution-homeless-waif weight and don’t try it at home. [Express]
- Vanessa Paradis appeared in public for the first time since splitting with Johnny Depp and did not crumble into a fine powder and blow away on the wind, everyone is very proud of her. [The Sun]
- Mick Jagger and David Bowie used to fuck. Is anyone really surprised? Has nobody else seen Velvet Goldmine? [NYDN]
- Charlie Sheen sees ghosts. [The Sun]
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