The work week's almost over, so what better moment to spend a bunch of time thinking about weird animal penises!
Over at HuffPo, Lucy Cooke writes about a recent trip to Tasmania to film a series called Freaks and Creeps for National Geographic Wild. Among the revelations: baby Tasmanian devils are adorable, wombats have "reinforced butts" that poo cubes, and the echidna — a spiny egg-laying mammal akin to the duck-billed platypus — has a totally freaky monster dong.
Cooke and her team track down a male echidna named Grumpy ("winkled out of his snug home by five women demanding to see his penis"). At first, the little dude's jennies are all tucked up inside his body. But then...
But when Stuart gently presses a bump in his groin, out pops Grumpy's famous penis, like an inflated rubber glove. This extraordinary member has four distinct heads and looks like a stumpy hand with no thumb waving at me. Or some sort of weird sea anemone. It definitely doesn't look like any penis I have ever seen before. Thankfully. The girls are right, it does not disappoint in the odd stakes. But it is slightly disturbing. Plus all of a sudden, standing in the rain staring at a defenseless animal with his penis hanging out feels a tiny but wrong. I sort of want to cover it up for him and say sorry.
The reason why the echidna's penis has four heads is still up for grabs. The female echidna has two love canals and Stuart believes that the penis works like a double double-barreled shotgun, firing out of the two heads on one side, and then again quite quickly on the other.
Click here for a photo.
Listen, duck penis, I'mma let you finish, but echidna has like the grossest pink pronged suction-cuppy snork penis of all time.