Some Alternative Things That The "It All" In "Having It All" Could BeS

FUCKIN' WOMP.

Ladies, we can't have it all, or shouldn't, or can, or should, or whatever the last trend piece on Having It All was did to contradict the six-months-ago trend piece before that, and the one before that, and the one before that. But, guys, "it all" doesn't have to be babies and a career and a husband. Here are my alternate intepretations of what "it all" could be.

Having...

  • Spaghetti and meatballs.
  • Seconds.
  • And then ice cream tempura!
  • A conniption.
  • ENOUGH.
  • An esoteric Twitter.
  • A heart, a brain, courage, and a slight concussion after being knocked out by a windowpane and fantasizing about running around the woods with two male anthropomorphic objects and one large, barrel-chested male anthropomorphic cat.
  • The last word.
  • A putt-putt course named after you, AM I RIGHT?
  • A juicer. Don't you wish you had one?
  • Integrity, while also maintaining a healthy sense of fun.
  • A finely reupholstered chair.
  • The Season 1 box set of Denis Leary's short-lived sitcom The Job.
  • Earrings to wear for special occasions.
  • A cat that flushes the toilet.
  • A lamb that says "Yeah."
  • A lamb that says "Yeah" in the background of an Usher song.
  • The smoking of a joint followed by the consumption of a box of Frosted Flakes.
  • A carton of cigarettes and an unlimited pass to yoga.
  • Instant Netflix that knows you well enough to suggest categories that are specific and dead-on (You might like Dark, Dysfunctional Fight-The-System Black Comedies With A Sardonic Female Star Who Has Similiar Bangs As You).
  • A Formica kitchen counter.
  • A flowerbox filled with weeds that you always mean to fix up but never do.