Aaand, we're back! Nominating someone using our fancy new discussion platform remains the same as under the old system (see specific instructions below). And now, without further ado, our first Kinja COTD.
Today's honor goes to Sarabou, who has figured out how to put the ring that brands the words "I'm married" onto a potential cheating spouse's finger to absolute shame:
I just took a X-Acto knife to my husband on our honeymoon and etched "MARRIED" onto his chest, thighs, back, and forehead. I had drugged him, of course, and used ice to sufficiently numb the areas. I'm not a monster. For added security, I also had a tracking chip implanted in his arm and have fitted him with a collar that I use to deliver a 300 kV shock (it can go higher, but that's just crazy talk) if I ever suspect he's showing interest in another woman. Sometimes, I just shock him randomly to spice things up. He's developed a twitch and sometimes I can hear him crying next to me at night. It warms my heart to know he feels so deeply about our relationship.
Submit nominations to the Comment of the Day tag page. Click on the comment's time stamp, and post the comment's URL to the forum. (Replying to a comment with "#cotd" does not work; you need to go to the forum.) For meetups, use the meetup forum!