Most Thorough Thief Ever Steals Car With Baby Inside, Then Steals Baby's Earrings

These are tough times, friends. Jobs are scarce, gas is expensive, people are stealing cars with babies inside of them and then stealing the baby's earrings. It's like a scene from a novel written by zombie 2012 Charles Dickens.

A thief in Pennsylvania made off with an SUV yesterday as a woman unloaded her groceries. Unbeknownst to the thief, the SUV contained the woman's baby. But this was a new generation of thieves, an adaptive villain capable of changing his plans on a dime. And so the thief Grinched the infant before ditching the vehicle, removing her gold stubs. Hope he stored them in a safe place that will keep them from being damaged during their new baby jewelry-stealing owner's journey to the center of Hell.

I bet 30 Rock writers are upset that they didn't include this scenario in Tracy Jordan's hyperbolic soliloquy about his difficult upbringing.



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