Funny or Die pays a visit to the studio of renowned fashion photographer Perry Michaelson, who — a little like someone we know — wears flannel shirts and oversized glasses, likes to shoot subjects under heavy flash against a plain white studio background, and gets his jollies by harassing and demeaning the models he works with. Shot documentary-style ("Perry Michaelson: Monster of Photography") Michaelson explains to the camera, "Photographers I admire: Herb Ritts, Man Ray, Ansel Adams. Did you know that Ansel Adams sexually molested every mountain in Yosemite Park?" Michaelson got into his career over the objections of his mother. "She's always saying things like, 'These are human beings, you've gotta treat them like human beings'...And I'm always like, 'SHUT UP MOM! You're not even alive!'"
Touring his studio, Michaelson keeps up a creepily enthusiastic, fast-tempo patter. "This is where I did that shot of Miley Cyrus suckling the eel. Over here is where I develop the film and the pictures. And this is the dark room — that's where I keep some of the darkest stuff. Oh, do you guys want to see where I keep the models? It's an old abandoned well. Come on, let's go! We're going out to the well, guys!" Later he muses, "I think what people react to most strongly in my work is the complete lack of human empathy. And sometimes I show a little bush."
"Yes, a lot of people think I'm creepy," he admits, while wearing what appears to be a human suit. "I don't know why — maybe it's the glasses. But I'm getting to live my dream, and that dream is to roofie girls, put my wang on their face, and then hide them in the trunk of my car."