Last night's episode of The Choice — the dating game show kind of like The Voice — was horrifying, offensive, nauseating, objectifying, loud, crass, and highly watchable. So much tacky! So much cringe! So many lessons about the bizarre mating practices of the North American C-list celebrity male. The best part was when Joe Jonas, who used to wear a purity ring, had to choose between a virgin and another woman, and did not pick the virgin. You could almost see him chanting, inside his head: PEE IN VEE! PEE IN VEE!

FYI, if you want to woo Michael Catherwood aka Psycho Mike from KROQ, just say the magic words: "Cocktail server on the Las Vegas strip." Saying that will also make Parker Young's Love Handle go haywire.

Apparently the fastest way into a man's heart is with a royal flush.

It was kind of sad when no one picked Jennifer Tilly.

"What's your favorite past time?"
"Standing with my hands on my hips."
"I'm a Red Sox fan"
"Oooouhrrrrgggg!"

Also, the name Kerrya rhymes with the drink Perrier, so it's basically Kerry-A and should be spelled that way.

"A great thinker, Tupac Shakur once told me: The darker the berry the sweeter the juice." OMFG FFS.

Earlier: Fox's New Dating Show Doesn't Grant Equal Time to the Ladies
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