In this TV roundup, potato chip farts, Meghan McCain talks about smoking weed, and Teen Mom's Amber Portwood's infected hand piercing.
CNN's Jeanne Moos is so down. She refers to 50 Cent exclusively as "Fiddy."
2.) What's that smell?
This commercial for Lays potato chips—in which this woman is deeply inhaling a freshly open bag of potato chips with a smile on her face—is the most unintentionally funny thing I've seen this week, given that freshly open bags of potato chips smell exactly like farts.
3.) "I'm a really bad person."
Yes you are. After her child was removed from her custody and made a ward of the state, Teen Mom's Amber Portwood struck a plea bargain for her domestic violence charge in which she was court ordered to go to rehab. First, she called the facility to see if they would let her use drugs. Then she went to the home of the father of her child to "get a buzz" because she has things on her mind like going to rehab and she needs a glass of wine to relax.
Amber has a piercing in that webbing between her thumb and forefinger and during all the scenes in which she's on the phone and not caring for her toddler, you can see just how disgustingly infected it is.
5.) Ramona Singer's endorsement of gel manicures.
Naturally, this happened in the middle of a verbal argument with the Countess, which included allegations of threats, blackmail, and teen drinking.
6.) This bitch.
I know that she's fictional, but I hate the mom in this Optimum commercial. You know, it has never bothered me in the least bit when people talk endlessly about their kids or post a lot of pictures of them on the internet. People have their own habits and enjoyments and for the most part, I'm too disinterested to give a shit. But I despise the kind of people who openly mock parental pride, but as soon as they have their own kid, they believe that their child is so special that it makes them immune to the kind of internet standards of etiquette they'd once been so fucking snobby about when they were childless. Ugh! The actress really nails down the hubris of assholes like this.
7.) Karen Zolciak
Other than the wig reveal episode, I hadn't been paying attention to Don't Be Tardy for the Wedding. But after watching last night's finale, I'm so into Kim's mom Karen, whose face looks like a stubbed out cigarette. I guess there's some bad blood between her and her mom, which was exacerbated by the fact that Kim was not allowing anybody to use the toilets in her home during her backyard reception because she had paid $5000 to rent luxury port-a-potties. Karen told Kroy to fuck off and took her sister up to the a private bathroom in the home where the two talked shit on Kim and called her an "ungrateful bitch." Kim then had security escort her parents and her aunt off the property.
8.) Meghan McCain smokes weed.
But not that often. And her dad knows.
9.) It's not polite to tell a woman that she looks like Kathy Bates.
What's worse is when the rest of your family laughs at a fat joke that an ignorant, bankrupt criminal made about you. Not that I feel bad for Lauren Manzo. She is a skid mark on the dirty panties that is The Real Housewives of New Jersey. I love how she acts like she's so above Ashley, yet she does not have a job or a college education or any responsibilities, really. She couldn't even stick to her diet to lose 30 lbs. She got freaking lap band surgery, lied about it, and then finally fessed up. She was not morbidly obese. Her life was not threatened by those 30 lbs. And 30 lbs is a completely realistic weight loss goal that can be achieved through diet and exercise. It's totally her prerogative to lose weight through surgery, but after hearing her—an unemployed grown woman who lives in her parents' mansion and has never had to support herself—lament about how "everyone else has it easy," I just can't resist the urge to dress her down. She is a lazy, spoiled, self-indulgent, judgmental brat whose makeup always looks like shit for someone who went to cosmetology school.
10.) Obligatory little old lady clip of the week.