On Friday's Today, — writing that almost made me slip into a space-time continuum — television's favorite wine tasters Kathie Lee and Hoda Kotb opened the sealed insert in the latest Cosmo and talked about pensises. Or they would have talked about penises if Kathie Lee didn't squander their single FCC-approved "penis," forcing her and Hoda to thenceforth employ the euphemism "package."
Things got super awkward when Hoda held up her Sharpie to show those folks watching from home what the average, erect male...tee-hee package looks like. Then Kathie Lee got a little more into the segment by offering the clever riposte, "Not where I come from," to Hoda's penis-size factoid. The mid-morning sex talk wouldn't be complete without a "top five" list of states (New Hamphsire, Oregon, New York, Indiana, Arizona) where visitors can find the largest pensises anywhere in the Union. After a few more seconds of Kathie Lee slapping her forehead in chagrin, all the sex talk was over and America's morning television audience had been horribly scandalized.