R-Patz May Strangle You If You Call Him ‘R-Patz’S

Self-effacing thespian Robert Pattinson, not to be confused with the vampiric poolboy R-Patz, is on the cusp of becoming a movie star with gravitas and can't have people running around calling him by some puerile, hyphenated nickname because it completely undermines his credibility, or whatever. Pattinson endured an Aeneid-long sit-down with the Guardian, during which he discussed speculation that his latest turn in David Cronenberg's Cannes-pleasing Cosmopolis will launch his acting career into low Leonardo DiCaprio orbit. It'd be so much easier, too, for R-Patz to be taken seriously if everyone just quit calling him "R-Patz," a name he loathes so much he wants to do physical harm to its creator. Talking about the Cosmopolis role, R-Patz said, "When I got this part, every single article that came out, was, 'R-Patz's struggle for credibility!'; I don't understand who invented that thing, 'R-Patz', I want to strangle them." Somewhere in a deep, dank basement, the clever wordsmith who invents celebrity nicknames is cackling with glee at R-Patz's ineffectual rage. [Guardian]

  • All of your half-wilted Teleflora bouquets and generic Peanuts get-well-soon cards did the trick — Lindsay Lohan has been released from the hospital after being involved in a scary-looking accident Friday afternoon. [TMZ]
  • Lindz is also going to great lengths to cover up the injuries she sustained during the accident, because that's how dedicated she is to playing Elizabeth Taylor, whose only scars were on her heart. [TMZ]
  • After enduring a five-night stay for a gross-sounding bladder infection, Prince Philip was also released from the hospital just in time to celebrate his 91st birthday tomorrow, presumably with ice cream cake because princey gets what princey wants. Also, Prince Philip looks awesome for 91 fucking years old, but I think it's only because he's draining the lifeforce out of Prince Charles [Mirror]
  • Lionsgate is postponing its Dirty Dancing reboot because the ghost of Patrick Swayze is ghost-kicking the film's producers in the ass for daring to trample on his legacy. Oh, and there are casting issues, though rumor has it that Lea Michele was screen tested. []
  • Kim Kardashian bought paramour Kanye West a $350,000 Lamborghini for his 35th birthday yesterday, prompting Kanye to return the acrylic paint he bought Kim as an impromptu manic-pixie dream boyfriend present. [TMZ]
  • Just how was Kim able to splurge on a Lamborghini? It might have something to do with the QuickTrim diet pill endorsements she did with her sister Kourtney, for which both sisters are now being sued. The sisters argue, however, that QuickTrim's ineffectiveness has nothing to do with them — they just pushed a bad product and shouldn't be responsible to its beguiled buyers. [TMZ]
  • Snooki's nude pics might be floating through the tangle of interwebs, but it's really none of our business because those pics are personal, obviously. [E!]
  • Mel Gibson was seen walking around a subdivision with my dad's favorite actress from the 90s, Madeleine Stowe, whose career drop-off remains to him one of the great unsolvable mysteries of the latter 20th century. [Janet Charlton]
  • Rumer Willis was spotted hanging around Shane West, who's still looks really broken up about what happened during A Walk to Remember. [Just Jared]
  • Anderson Cooper mocked amateur demolition derby driver Amanda Bynes' tweet asking the President of the United States to intervene in her DUI arrest and fire the officer that arrested her. For that and other past foibles, Cooper put Bynes on his RidicuList and explained that while he wasn't making light of the serious charges Bynes faces, "The reason why she's on the RidicuList is because like any sensible, quasi-celebrity, she has taken to Twitter to defend herself." [Just Jared]
  • Regina Bell, mother of Real Atlanta Housewife Phaedra Parks, has filed a defamation suit against a company called Vibe Holdings for releasing the online book Lies of a Real Housewife: Tell the Truth and Shame the Devil, which purports to be about Bell's pact with the Devil and the M.D. she supposedly earned in witch-doctoring. [TMZ]
  • Megan Fox is pregnant, everyone, and the New York Daily News has the creepy spy photos to prove it. [NYDN]
  • Contrary to unfounded rumors, Jennifer Lopez assures her fans that Casper Smart hasn't proposed to her because such a thing would be preposterous. [People]