Lindsay Lohan Hospitalized After Crashing Her PorscheS

Today around noon, Lindsay Lohan rear-ended an 18-wheeler and totaled her Porsche on PCH (the only place to wreck your porsche, obv), and it was probably really really scary. Nobody was drunk. Lohan and her assistant were banged-up enough to visit the hospital, but word is they're doing fine. "Lindsay was driving the car," says TMZ, "and we're told she's saying that the accident wasn't her fault, claiming the 18-wheeler cut her off." Glad she's okay, of course, but still...Breaking news: Something wasn't Lindsay Lohan's fault!!! [TMZ]


Lindsay Lohan Hospitalized After Crashing Her PorscheS

Here is a thing that Don Rickles chose to say at AFI's tribute to Shirley MacLaine: "I shouldn't make fun of the blacks," BUT... "President Obama is a personal friend of mine. He was over to the house yesterday, but the mop broke." Discuss at your leisure. I would just like to posit that branding oneself an "insult comic" does not excuse one from accountability as a human fucking being. [ONTD]


Lindsay Lohan Hospitalized After Crashing Her PorscheS

Lauryn Hill responded to allegations of tax evasion with a bunch of super-sad paranoid blah-blahs: "Over-commercialization and its resulting restrictions and limitations can be very damaging and distorting to the inherent nature of the individual," Hill wrote. "I did not deliberately abandon my fans, nor did I deliberately abandon any responsibilities, but I did however put my safety, health and freedom and the freedom, safety and health of my family first over all other material concerns! I also embraced my right to resist a system intentionally opposing my right to whole and integral survival." Oh dear. [Yahoo!]


Lindsay Lohan Hospitalized After Crashing Her PorscheS

Apparently somebody (named Blate Blosselin) suggested to Kate Gosselin that she should team up with Michelle Obama as some sort of obesity-fighting buddy-cop dynamic duo. "The former Kate Plus 8 reality star was told that one of her fans wanted her to 'team up with Michelle Obama with the exercise for kids and healthy eating viewpoint,' and Kate seemed quite taken with the idea, sharing it would be her dream job. 'It's circulating around... I'd love to help M Obama in her quest... It's SO my passion :) for kids, moms & families as a whole!'" Totally!!! They could be called Fat Cops! and run around slapping corn dogs out of the paws of unsuspecting tourists. Fat Cops! Fall 2012 on TLC. [Radar]


  • Princes William and Harry visited their grandpa in the hospital because they are adorable like that. [E!]
  • Fleetwood Mac guitarist Bob Welch apparently wrote in his suicide note that he feared spinal surgery would leave him in need of round-the-clock care. "I'm not going to do this to you," he wrote to his wife. "It had become apparent to Bob that he was not going to recover, that he was going to become an invalid," said a family friend. "He had seen his father become an invalid and watched his mother care for him for many years." Bottomless condolences to all. [People]
  • Dryer lint attempted to murder Robert De Niro by burning down his New York City apartment. "Right above my head these 12 foot tall flames exploded out of the fifth floor window," said an eyewitness. Apparently the fire, smoke, and water damaged three full floors of the building. [Us]
  • Uh, okay. Apparently FX told Charlie Sheen that when he goes out in public he has to "paint" his janky gold tooth white. And then Charlie Sheen said this: "A year ago I would have been like, 'Fuck you, it's my tooth!' But why be a dick? What's the point?" What's the point, indeed. Now WHO MOVED CHARLIE SHEEN'S TOOTH PAINT?[HuffPo]
  • One of the Ying Yang Twins—it's either Ying or Yang, I can never keep them straight—was arrested and charged with a DUI, drug possession, and child endangerment. [MTV]
  • The garbage monster convicted of murdering Jennifer Hudson's family is seeking a new trial, arguing that Hudson's fame prejudiced the jury against him. "The testimony was irrelevant, and because of the fame of the witness, the prejudicial effect of the testimony on the jury outweighed any probative value that it would have," garbage-monster's lawyer wrote. [ONTD]
  • Ashley Tisdale and Britney Spears wore the same dress—this neon pink thingy designed by Brian Lichtenberg. Upon reading this news item, I recalled that a fashion designer named Brian Lichtenberg and his friends used to live in the upstairs floor of a shitty house I rented in Silverlake when I was 22. We were pretty dorky and they were pretty cool, so we didn't really talk to each other. One time their toilet leaked into our ceiling for a few months and then chunks of rotten plaster and one million maggots fell down into our dining room. Anyway, I guess he makes famous dresses now. The end. [E!]
  • Mexico is beefing up security for the Justin Bieber concert. Maybe next they'll try beefing up security for the ONE BILLION DRUG MURDERS. No? Okay. [Fox]
  • Sasha Obama had her 11th birthday party at Red Robin and I fucking died because it's so cute. [Us]
  • If you want to see some ladies drinking flagons of hot donkey semen, then run—don't walk—to Denmark. [TMZ]