I was too busy praying to Jesus to smite E.L James/crying about the demise of modern literature to write about "Fifty Shades of Grey" today, but Anastasia and Christian had such a fabulous time yesterday that they wanted to discuss Anna North's Buzzfeed piece on the Christian backlash against their torrid love affair. Here's a transcription of a recent Gchat conversation between the dom/sub duo:
Christian: Hello, Anastasia. How are you feeling today?
Anastasia: Jeez, I'm a little sore down there, to be honest ;)
Christian: Anastasia, I told you all emoticons you employ during our online communications should make it seem like you're biting your lip, because that's the sexiest thing imaginable to me, even more so than whips and chains. How do you manage to be so innocent yet so sensual?!?!?!
Anastasia: Douple crap! Sorry. :-/ :-/ :-/
Christian: God, Anastasia, that's so hot. Much better. Now we can proceed. Some Christian author named Dannah Gresh said "I wouldn't drive my Envoy into the front of an oncoming semi-truck any more than I would open the pages of Fifty Shades of Grey." She thinks simply reading the novel is adulterous, because "anything other than my husband creating arousal in me would be missing the mark of God's intention." She also says "erotica robs you of real sex." I care what you think, because I am a very kind and generous man, so please, by all means, continue.
Anastasia: Damn that Dannah Gresh! My inner goddess is crying for her, because if it wasn't for our dom/sub relationship I would still be a virgin. Which is the opposite of being robbed of real sex, I think?
Christian: Another Christian blogger and professor, Mary Kassian, said "the relationship between a man and wife is to mirror Christ's relationship to His Bride" and "Christ is not into domination, control, abuse, and humiliation." To which I say, how do they know? Who do they think I was named after? He was nailed to a cross, after all.
Anastasia: I did like what she said about me (Tee-hee! I'm famous!): "the Lord doesn't want His daughters to be wilting, weak-willed, wimpy women who welcome and enjoy abuse." Isn't that what I'm always telling you? I will not let you subjugate me emotionally! Physically, it's cool.
Christian: These fools don't know how strong you are, Anastasia. Have you eaten today?
Anastasia: :::blushes::: no, I couldn't touch a thing.
Christian: ANASTASIA! You know how this makes me feel! I grew up starving, which is why it's hard for me to love!
Anastasia: And I think our readers will know how you feel, too! As Christian blogger Jonalyn Fincher says, who is kind of a fan, the book is a "cultural exploration" into something that's extremely popular, "like walking in the shoes of your neighbor."
Christian: I wish I had fifty shades of shoes.
Anatasia: You're a billionare! Go buy some.
Christian: Don't tell me what to do!
Image via Christina Henningstad/Shutterstock.