Rick Santorum Declares Self President of His Own Wet Blanket Club

On Monday, ex Presidential candidate Rick Santorum tantalized his Twitter followers with news that soon, he be making a "big announcement." What could it possibly be? Was Rick gay? Pregnant? About to inform America that his entire political career has been part of the most elaborate dissertation on how extremists can still be taken seriously in post-industrial nations? Nope.

Rick's Big Announcement (hotdamn that should be an lovemongering illustrated children's book told from the perspective of a little boy who has a big brother named Rick who tells the whole family that he's gay and everyone continues to love and accept him. If you write this book, I will buy it.) was actually about how Santorum, failing to win the GOP nomination for President, has founded his own political club for other people nutty enough to think that Rick Santorum would have been a good President.

The group's called Patriot Voices, because Patriot is code for God, Guns, Gays, and Gals. But Rick Santorum calls those things "faith (God), family (Gays & Gals), freedom (Guns), and opportunity (what the fuck is this word even doing here; it doesn't start with the letter F!)." The organization's goal is to amass a million busybody lame-os to elect politicians into office that believe that birth control is bad because it gives women license to "do things."

[USAT]