In case you didn't know, fortunately, the "pamper-yourself" gift package that friend of the family sent you for your graduation does not contain the powerful, awesomely scary drug responsible for Miami's naked zombie who ate the homeless guy's face off which I am sure you have already discussed at work/on dates/at the mall/on a boat/on a plane/with green eggs and ham. (Also, if you were interested: copycat cannibalism case in Maryland! And if your salad still looks good, here's Daily Intel's comprehensive recent history of people nomming people.)
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