That Time A Woman Dropped $20,000 Bones On An Evening With Bates From Downton AbbeyS

A 52-year-old Long Island woman named Sandra Doshner is the self-proclaimed "world's biggest Downton fan, complete with a "Future Mrs. Bates" t-shirt (referring, of course, to the noble, mysterious valet John Bates, played by Brendan Coyle). The retired medical technologist won Coyle's hand by placing a £12,000 bid for a date with the actor, who auctioned himself off on behalf of New York's Origin Theater Company.

She read poetry to him in a horse-drawn carriage! They had dinner at Per Se! Here's a series of adorable pictures of them! Doshner is now the envy of Everyone's Mom, for whom the series holds the comfortable No. 2 spot between kittens and Vera Bradley handbags on the Favorite Things List (A text from my mother after starting Season 1 reads, "i just saw thomas & the duke kiss it is more scandalous than upstairs downstairs and also has hateful people i love it"). [Express]

  • Real Housewives of Atlanta's Kim Zolciak posed naked in body paint for her betrothed Kroy Biermann. [HuffPo]
  • Aishwarya Rai Bachchan continues to, correctly, tell people to shut the fuck up about her weight. [NY Daily News]
  • Jeff Goldblum filed a restraining order against a stalker and now I have nothing to look forward to. [TMZ]
  • Malin Akerman will play Debbie Harry in CBGB. [Chicago Tribune]
  • Twinkle vampire Robert Pattinson will star in a biopic of The Band. [Contact Music]
  • Michael McKean is recovering nicely after being hit by a car Tuesday. [Entertainment Weekly]
  • Jessica Biel unexpectedly endears herself to all by posting a picture of her favorite pistachio chocolate cake recipe with "beat [eggs] on high for a long fuckin time" scrawled in 7th grade girl-ish handwriting. [Who Say]
  • Kanye West has been telling Kim Kardashian to be more sartorially edgy. "He also told you that you need dental work, Annie. He's an asshole." [Contact Music]
  • Beyoncé adores Michelle Obama, Michelle Obama wants to be Beyoncé, life is a cabaret, love is a river, world is a breakfast sandwich. [Contact Music]
  • This is a naked and dreadless photo shoot of Rihanna for her new fragrance Nude. She says not to worry, the dreads will be back. [Just Jared]
  • There was a fire in the apartment of one of the powdered donut holes from One Direction. [Heat World]
  • Blossom's Jenna Von Oÿ had a kid. [Digital Spy]
  • Kenny Powers hair inspiration Mark "Marty" DeBarge of DeBarge has been charged with narcotics possession. [Bossip]
  • "It's cleansing your skin, watching what you eat, no smoking, not too much drinking, no sugar - just simple." In which Halle Berry explains her beauty regimen, otherwise known as Everything You Do Is Wrong. [Digital Spy]
  • Levi Johnston is broke and living with his mom in Wasilla. [Examiner]
  • Anne Hathaway's con man ex Raffaelo Follieri was released from prison and deported. [Daily Mail]
  • Newly engaged Ellie Kemper got a surprise lap dance on Ellen. [Perez Hilton]
  • ''I am anti-Viagra. I am the Hoff.'' —Poet Laureate Billy Collins David Hasselhoff [Contact Music]