Okay. So, as you've probably heard, this month Hustler printed a "satirical" photo of conservative pundit S.E. Cupp sucking a great big Photoshopped dick. Predictably, both frothing right-wingers and weary feminists complained about it. Because, no. Now Flynt has finally weighed in on the Cupp kerfuffle (THANK GOD), with, essentially, a garbage sonnet about the wonders of dick-sucking.
None of this is new, obviously—Flynt has been stretching the First Amendment to its dick-suckiest limits for close to half a century, most notably when he got the Supreme Court of the United States to discuss whether or not the Reverend Jerry Falwell had lost his virginity to his own mother. It's the kind of tedious attention-grab that responsible cultural critics are obligated to weigh in on—silence accomplishes nothing—but no one's really expecting some grand feminist turnaround from a gleeful old perv like Flynt.
Anyway, Flynt spoke to Abigail Pesta at the Daily Beast (reprinted in full, because zzzzzzzzzzz):
"As the result of our publishing an ad parody of political pundit S.E. Cupp that depicted her having oral sex, the prudish and delusional right wing has accused me and my magazine of being sexist and waging a war on women. That's absurd. The picture was clearly labeled as satire. It was intended as humorous commentary about her politics. We stated that no such image of Ms. Cupp actually exists. Secondly, the feature, which we run every month, has previously depicted such male luminaries as Mario Cuomo, Dan Rather and, most recently, my friend Bill Maher. How misogynistic or sexist is that?"
Flynt said he is protected by "free speech as decided by unanimous decision by the Supreme Court in 1988, Flynt v. Falwell," referring to a lawsuit filed by minister Jerry Falwell when Hustler published a parody saying Falwell had lost his virginity to his mother in an outhouse. "So critics, get a life," Flynt said. "Find another horse to beat. We don't know anything about Ms. Cupp's personal life, but we do know that oral sex is practiced by the majority of adult Americans, both male and female. The fact that the picture of Ms. Cupp has generated so much flap says more about the sexual repression of the American people than it does anything else. Oral sex is a normal and healthy practice."
Dude, you could have just yelled "FIRST AMENDMENT," farted theatrically, and then left it at that. No one needs your rhapsodizing about Bill Maher's purty mouth and how blowjobbery is woven into the fabric of America. I'm not even arguing with your argument. "First Amendment" is legit. You totally have the right to be terrible, and everyone else totally has the right to be bothered by it. Everybody wins. Jeez, go outside or something.