Oh, Congress, it's a miracle that you even manage to conduct any business, given that you're filled with so many idiots who seem to spend every waking moment decided who is and is not American enough to meet their high patriotic standards. Case in point: Rep. Mike Coffman of Colorado. During a recent fundraiser he gave a beautiful display of his tenuous grasp on reality, saying,
I don't know whether Barack Obama was born in the United States of America. I don't know that. But I do know this, that in his heart, he's not an American. He's just not an American.
Actually, you do know that he was born in the United States, you twit. So, please, for the love of God, just stop bringing this up. Even the people sitting in the park wearing tinfoil hats are getting sick of this birther shit. Do you honestly not have anything else you could campaign on? Plus, don't you know that it doesn't matter whether you're an American in your heart—though Obama probably is American in his heart, since there's no evidence that he went to Kenya or Korea or Cuba and received a heart transplant. (OR IS THERE??) What matters is what your passport says, and also you get major patriotism points for being the head of the whole fucking country.
You will not be surprised to hear that, although there was a brief moment of "deafening silence" following his remarks, he was ultimately rewarded with applause. His controversial remarks would have remained private, were it not for the helping hand of Brooks Imperial, one of Coffman's supporters who felt that what he'd said was so smart that it simply had to be shared with the world. Good thinking, Brooks! I am sure the Congressman is very grateful for your support, since he is now facing a total shitstorm over what he said. He has obviously been forced to walk back his comments, but what's so amusing is that he's chosen to justify them with this nonsense:
I misspoke and I apologize. I have confidence in President Obama's citizenship and legitimacy as President of the United States. I don't believe the president shares my belief in American Exceptionalism. His policies reflect a philosophy that America is but one nation among many equals. As a Marine, I believe America is unique and based on a core set of principles that make it superior to other nations.
Oh, right. I can see how you would forget to add a short little word like "exceptionalism" into your original comments. Nevermind then. Everything you are saying makes total sense now, and you are definitely not an exceptional asshole.