From 'War on Marriage' to 'Playing Politics': Let the Obama Gay Marriage Backlash Begin

Within minutes of President Obama making the historic declaration that he personally believed that gay people should be allowed to get married, angry backlash began spewing out of the right like glitter covered partygoers out of a gay nightclub after last call. Here's a short rundown of right-wing reactions to the President's announcement.

First there's the part where the politicians accuse another politician of using politics to try to advance in politics. The RNC and their grimmacing chairman, Reince Priebus, took a break from fighting in the War on Caterpillars to accuse the President of pandering. He said, "While President Obama has played politics on this issue, the Republican Party and our presumptive nominee Mitt Romney have been clear. "We support maintaining marriage between one man and one woman and would oppose any attempts to change that."

Get that? In Priebus' view, Mitt Romney's genuinely honest about his bigotry, and Obama is still a secret bigot lying about his stance on gay marriage so the cool kids like him. Never mind the fact that the President's announcement didn't really change or challenge anything; it was just the President stating his personal belief and leaving the big marriage decisions up to individual states. So he's against a constitutional amendment defining marriage like the kind Mitt Romney supports, but also against a constitutional amendment mandating coast-to-coast marriage equality. You go on right ahead and stand against states' rights, Priebus. Great call.

Next up is probably my favorite angle: the victimhood angle. And Fox News' audience excels at nothing if not pretending like their overwhelmingly white male audience is the victim of some crazy bohemian plot to Take Their Guns Away and force them to convert to Islam and have gay sex in front of their own children. OBAMA FLIP FLOPS, DECLARES WAR ON GAY MARRIAGE, said a hilariously melodramatic Fox Nation Tweet. I'm not a marriage expert, but the only way I can think that gay marriage might effect straight marriage is by making it slightly more difficult to book a reception venue during the month of June.

But it seems that the angle that's the least bullshit (even though it's still extreme straw-grasping) is the idea that the President somehow flip-flopped on the issue, which is rich coming from a party that's nominated for President a staunchyly anti-abortion rights candidate who this side of a decade ago was signing pro-abortion rights pledges for Planned Parenthood.

There's no flip-flopping here, there's no politics playing here, and there's certainly no War on Marriage here. The President made what is possibly the least offensive or boat-rocking statement he possibly could have made. He didn't support the mandating of anything. He didn't support overturning existing state laws, or rendering North Carolina's Amendment 1 or similar amendments unconstitutional. He simply said that personally, he thinks that it should be okay for gay people to marry. Nothing more. Everyone calm the fuck down.