Tuesday Night Drinking Game: Rick Santorum on The Tonight Show EditionS

Ex Presidential candidate, ex Senator, and current gay sex-obsessed homophobe Rick Santorum will be appearing on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno tonight, which means he'll be on your local NBC affiliate in all his grimacing glory right around the time that North Carolinians will learn whether or not they've successfully added an anti-gay marriage amendment to the state's constitution. (Excellent timing, Tonight Show talent bookers.) Because you've got nothing better to do on a Tuesday night but sit on your couch and drink wine while watching late night TV, here's a game you can play to mitigate the annoyance you'll feel when both Rick Santorum and Jay Leno are onscreen and the remote's like, four feet further than you can reach.

You can play this with alcohol, but if you want your annoyance to contribute to your good health, play with water. Or drink a juice box. Or delicious gravy. Whatever.

  • DRINK when President Obama's name is mentioned.
  • DRINK when Santorum makes a face that indicates that he's dying inside.
  • DRINK when Leno tries to make an inappropriately innuendo-laden joke about Santorum
  • DRINK when SWEATERVEST! ANY SWEATERVEST JOKE!
  • DRINK when Rick tells a cute story about his kids
  • DRINK at every awkward pause of more than 3 seconds
  • DRINK if Santorum pays a complete non-compliment to Romney
  • DRINK when Santorum awkwardly attempts to pander to Leno's audience
    li>FINISH YOUR DRINK if Rick Santorum tries to dance
  • TAKE A SHOT if Leno makes a ballsy joke about "bleh" people
  • SPIT TAKE ALL OVER YOUR COFFEE TABLE if Leno and Santorum kiss
  • THROW THE BOTTLE ACROSS THE ROOM IN DISGUST AND SHOUT "OH MY GOD FUCK OFF!" if people cheer after Leno mentions that Santorum could have a place in a theoretical Romney administration

That's it. The game shouldn't get you wasted, but it's Tuesday. If you're concerned with altering your mental state this early in the week, try going to bed a little earlier.

[The Right Planet]