The Best, Worst, and God Awful Looks from the Met Ball

The annual Costume Institute Gala at the Metropolitan Museum of Art is the biggest, fanciest, most fashion forward red carpet event on the East Coast. If there was one go-to look for the night, it was the "witchy woman," a mix of black feathered dresses, dark lipstick, cloaks, and talons.

The Best, Worst, and God Awful Looks from the Met Ball

Let's start with the best: Queen Bey. Her nude illusion Givenchy is undoubtedly polarizing but I love the feathered bottom and the all-in-one sleeves/gloves. The nude suit underneath is problematic, but judging from other pictures, it only seemed to be an issue under a certain kind of flash of the camera.

The Best, Worst, and God Awful Looks from the Met Ball

Yellow was a popular color choice, with January Jones' metal-accented bodice and turquoise necklace making her effort a perfect marriage of hipness and elegance.

The Best, Worst, and God Awful Looks from the Met Ball

Solange is always doing cool things that make her look amazing, like putting some geometry on her arm.

The Best, Worst, and God Awful Looks from the Met Ball

Anna Wintour wore a white fur cape and a motherfucking lobster dress.

The Best, Worst, and God Awful Looks from the Met Ball

I know, I know, Bianca Brandolini D'Adda is wearing some gaudy-ass shit, with every inch of her shining. Her commitment to this look, though, is what pulls it off.

The Best, Worst, and God Awful Looks from the Met Ball

Three of my favorite looks last night were some of the riskier ones: Christina Ricci, Camilla Belle, and Karolina Kurkova, who is flawless as Gloria Fucking Swanson.

The Best, Worst, and God Awful Looks from the Met Ball

Some more risk/reward with Diane von Furstenberg in puzzle pieces, Kirsten Dunst in a '40s-inspired suit dress, and Chloe Sevigny channeling Edie Sedgwick.

The Best, Worst, and God Awful Looks from the Met Ball

Mary-Kate Olsen is the coolest 80-year-old woman in the world.

The Best, Worst, and God Awful Looks from the Met Ball

The feather fishtails are dramatic and flattering, but the red carpet was saturated with them: Renee Zellweger, Cate Blanchett, and Amy Poehler.

The Best, Worst, and God Awful Looks from the Met Ball

This happened after Lana Del Rey was twirling in a cauldron.

The Best, Worst, and God Awful Looks from the Met Ball

Rihanna in crocodile skin with talons.

The Best, Worst, and God Awful Looks from the Met Ball

Lacy: Rooney Mara, Lisa Airan, and Marc Jacobs.

The Best, Worst, and God Awful Looks from the Met Ball

Linda Evangelista's otherwise stunning gown is marred by what appears to be a large scrunchie. Rosie Huntington-Whiteley is absolutely flawless in beaded stripes. Janelle Monáe's jumpsuit got a bit rumpled en route.

The Best, Worst, and God Awful Looks from the Met Ball

Gwyneth Paltrow and some serious side boob.

The Best, Worst, and God Awful Looks from the Met Ball

Jessica Stam's intricately beaded and stitched gown is nothing short of art.

The Best, Worst, and God Awful Looks from the Met Ball

Slightly left of center: Jessica Biel, Angela Lindvall, and Mia Wasikowska (who had an unfortunate issue with pit stains).

The Best, Worst, and God Awful Looks from the Met Ball

Greens: Lena Dunham, Dianna Agron, and Greta Gerwig.

The Best, Worst, and God Awful Looks from the Met Ball

Orange: Eva Mendes, Ginnifer Goodwin, Kristen Wiig.

The Best, Worst, and God Awful Looks from the Met Ball

Gold: Nina Dobrev, Jessica Alba, Jessica Paré.

The Best, Worst, and God Awful Looks from the Met Ball

Pepto Bismol: Paula Patton, Julianne Hough, and Amber Heard.

The Best, Worst, and God Awful Looks from the Met Ball

It's refreshing to see a flapper-influenced dress without having the dreadful drop waist all the time (Milla Jovovich).

The Best, Worst, and God Awful Looks from the Met Ball

Allison Williams' dress is exceptionally boring, but what intrigues me about this shot is trying to figure out what one item in the world made the cut to fit in that clutch. A lipstick? A $20 bill? A flash card?

The Best, Worst, and God Awful Looks from the Met Ball

Lady Edith and Lady Mary.

The Best, Worst, and God Awful Looks from the Met Ball

Nicole Miller's pal Cameron Silver had a purse attached to his cane.

The Best, Worst, and God Awful Looks from the Met Ball

The splendor of the graduating paillettes of Carey Mulligan's dress was dampened by the bad hair day.

The Best, Worst, and God Awful Looks from the Met Ball

I feel like Linda Fargo is doing a Björk impression here.

The Best, Worst, and God Awful Looks from the Met Ball

Leslie Bibb wore the biggest garment to the event.

The Best, Worst, and God Awful Looks from the Met Ball

Little House on the Prairie: Lily Collins, Brit Marling, and Sarah Jessica Parker.

The Best, Worst, and God Awful Looks from the Met Ball

Bold florals: Chris Benz, Julie Macklowe, Victoria Justice, and Giovanna Battaglia.

The Best, Worst, and God Awful Looks from the Met Ball

The OG Tanning Mom: Donatella Versace.

The Best, Worst, and God Awful Looks from the Met Ball

Sofía Vergara and Scarlett Johansson have amazingly sexy bodies that look great in basically anything, especially these kinds of dresses that are probably gorgeous in person but seem like wallpaper at this point because they've been worn a million different times. I have to say that I'm uncomfortable with the attention drawn to Vogue Beauty Director Sarah Brown's mons pubis.

The Best, Worst, and God Awful Looks from the Met Ball

Did you ever take a dress on the hanger and put it over your head, hanging it from the front just to see what it might look like on you? So has China Chow.

The Best, Worst, and God Awful Looks from the Met Ball

M.I.A. should've given her stylist the finger when this getup was suggested.

The Best, Worst, and God Awful Looks from the Met Ball

A rare miss for Jessica Chastain. How can a dress be so unflattering on Kate Upton, a Sports Illustrated swimsuit cover model? What went wrong here? Donna Karan's right boob is trying to escape the embarrassment of her Marilyn Monroe gone wrong look.

The Best, Worst, and God Awful Looks from the Met Ball

Amy Adams whole persona is like a pretty bow so the one around her waist just seems like overkill. On the one hand, Rachel Zoe might be the only person who can wear this dress. On the other hand I'm making a thumbs down motion. Melania Trump's boobs and shoulders form the perfect "W" for this whatever outfit.

The Best, Worst, and God Awful Looks from the Met Ball

I respect that Florence Welch is daring everyone to put her on their Worst Dressed lists. I respect it so much that I will go ahead and do so.

The Best, Worst, and God Awful Looks from the Met Ball

Girl, no: Leighton Meester, Emma Stone, Kristen Stewart.

The Best, Worst, and God Awful Looks from the Met Ball

I can't imagine that any of these even seemed like good ideas when they were first sketched: Liv Tyler, Marpessa Hennink, and Ivanka Trump.

The Best, Worst, and God Awful Looks from the Met Ball

I mean, Shailene Woodley and Alexa Chung's dresses here are remarkably terrible but Coco Rocha's extensions that match her bathing suit that she's wearing under her (matador?) floodwater pantsuit is in a class all its own.

The Best, Worst, and God Awful Looks from the Met Ball

Last and least is Anja Rubik. I don't know if I've ever been so sincere when uttering, "What the fuck?" Her non-outfit—that inexplicably showcases her hipbone—reminds me of the first season of Real Housewives of Atlanta when Sheree had her first She by Sheree event, but didn't get the dresses made in time. Dwight says, "Who has a fashion show with no fashions? How dreadful!"