Meet the New King and Queen of France

French voters have decided that they no longer want mouseketeer Nicolas Sarkozy to lead their country through the financial Strait of Gibraltar that is the European debt crisis — they would like their next king to be François Hollande, whose companion, journalist Valerie Trierweiler, will share the throne after today's royal electi...wait...

Ah, here we are — French voters elected Hollande, the leader of France's, stop my precious American ears, Socialist party, president over bling, bling, money ain't no thang conservative incumbent Nicolas Sarkozy by a margin of 52 percent to 48 percent in the second and final round of the election. With his victory, Hollande will become France's first Socialist president in almost two decades. He has vowed to pursue Sarkozy's efforts to trim the national deficit, only he's going to do it in a totally different way by raising taxes from 41 percent to 75 percent on all those well-heeled French citizens making more than a million euros a year. He also promised to get French troops out of Afghanistan, so there's that.

Let's all bid a fond farewell to, if not Sarkozy and his Napoleonic complex, then to his generally awesome wife Carla Bruni, who probably celebrated her husband's defeat and her gilded retirement from charity photo-ops the way she celebrates everything: with a cigarette and a stiff drink. Vive la République!

Hollande Elected French President [WSJ]