The Final Two Tributes From District Lil' Fancy Will Now Fight to the Death

Human Barbie Sarah Burge—you know, the one who stuffed her 7-year-old kid's Christmas stocking with a liposuction voucher and gifted her with a breast implant fund for her birthday—is coming stateside with daughter Poppy with two specific goals in mind: winning Toddlers & Tiaras and competing together in pageants all over the country. To sample the horror, take a look at this.

Naturally, this raised the hackles of reigning champ Eden Wood (who I've deduced is almost certainly not a real little girl, but a teeny, tiny dementor who latched onto the Pepsi Girl in those '90s commercials and sucked her soul out of her dimples), whose PR rep Andrew Sullivan had this half-correct thing to say: "[Sarah Burge] is a psychotic piece of garbage. I really hope the USA government can remind this lady that in this country, we don't do stuff like that." Ah, but if only that second part was true, Mr. Grown-Up Man Who Lies Down To Allow Eden Wood To Step On His Face When She Feels Angry. [Radar]

  • Star Jones just made $500k selling her "disgusting, moldy, leaky, dangerous" New York, uh... penthouse. Is there an alternate theme song for The Jeffersons called "Movin' On Laterally"? [TMZ
  • Placido Domingo emerges as a big Lady Gaga fan. Does this mean every time he's on Twitter he's told that he's "similar to" Terry Richardson? And, like... is he? [Daily Mail]
  • Meanwhile, Gaga says she's sexually submissive: ''In the bedroom now, I really like being told what to do." As long as she's aware that Rihanna's got the Top 40 market cornered on that one and continues to wear Jim Henson puppets as formalwear we're cool. [Contact Music]
  • Being on the set of Nadya "Octomom" Suleyman's first adult film in the San Fernando Valley was probably like skipping the first fun 45 minutes of Boogie Nights and going right to the part where William H. Macy shoots himself and it becomes 1980. [TMZ]
  • Tinsley Mortimer's boyfriend Prince Lorenzo Borghese is helping her grieve in the difficult days following the death of her Chihuahua, Bella. Related: some mediocre Gossip Girl spec script was written on a MAGIC COMPUTER THAT MAKES EVERYTHING YOU TYPE HAPPEN FOR REAL. [Page Six]
  • Jonah Hill joins Leonardo DiCaprio for Martin Scorsese's The Wolf Of Wall Street. [Vulture]
  • But who cares, kinda, because here's Jeymes Samuel of U.K. hip-hop outfit The Bullits talking about his cooler-sounding upcoming black Western short They Die By Dawn: "It's set in 1890 with every single black actor in Hollywood swagged out cowboy style – Langston, Oklahoma. I am super, super excited." Killer cast includes Idris Elba, Michael K. Williams and Rosario Dawson. [Indie Wire]
  • Cee Lo Green's gonna appear on the Parks & Rec season finale. [Perez Hilton]
  • Kim and Kris are probably getting a divorce trial instead of settling out of kourt. [Radar]
  • On Chelsea Lately, Jennifer Love Hewitt joined the ranks of every 14-year-old boy in 1998 by telling Chelsea Handler that she had a nightmare about her boobs shrinking. [The Sun]
  • After 11 years, No Doubt is releasing a new album on September 25. [Billboard]
  • Jessica Alba insists that her marriage to Cash Warren is "not always about swinging from chandeliers," which is both a metaphor I've never heard and an immensely disappointing one because I totally imagined them spending at least 40 minutes a day dangling from the Strass crystal fixture in their living room. [Digital Spy]
  • During the Linda Evangelista trial it was revealed that when Salma Hayek was pregnant, doctors said that her daughter might be born with Down Syndrome. (Baby Valentina turned out perfectly healthy.) [Ace Showbiz]
  • Recent divorceé and Smash's resident hideous-shawl-wearer Debra Messing does not know if she believes in the institution of marriage anymore. [People]
  • Recent divorceé and Smash's resident hideous-shawl-wearer Debra Messing should take note that Waka Flocka Flame enjoys the company of older ladies ("them Stifler moms"). [Vice]
  • Flo Rida is fighting back against a lawsuit filed against him when he failed to appear at a gig, claiming they did not provide him with the transportation he asked for. It happened in Australia and not Florida, thereby saving you a terrible "No Rida" joke that is singing in my heart. [Express]