Michele Bachmann Actually Thinks She Was One Old-Timey-Serial-Killing Clown Away From a Perfect CampaignS

Remember when we informed you on Thursday that the magnetic pull of the impending Supermoon de Mayo had wrenched open the lid of Michele Bachmann's tricked-out neo-Confederate Polly Pocket case? The Minnesota Congresswoman has ostensibly re-emerged in order to Cosplay a pundit and endorse Mitt Romney. Which she is... kind of doing. What she is mostly doing is sticking her foot in her mouth while digging herself an increasingly deeper gaffe-hole with the blind perseverance of Tim Robbins in Shawshank Redemption.

In an appearance on the Christian Broadcasting Network, Bachmann spoke to host David Brody about the reason behind her Romney endorsement ("Two words: Barack Obama") and the reasons behind her failed bid for the Republican ticket ("The Lord called me to get into the race").

The Lord infamously failed to deliver Bachmann the accurate Wikipedia information on precisely which John Wayne came from Waterloo, Iowa (Gacy) and singing Happy Birthday to Elvis Presley on what turned out to be the day he died:

"We were extremely careful and we were almost mistake free but for those two points, but for those two points, Elvis Presley's birthday and John Wayne's birthplace. I've apologized, and we moved beyond."

Of course, other mistakes include (but are not limited to): referring to Russia as the Soviet Union, really and truly and genuinely using the phrase "tar baby," claiming global warming is a hoax, that the Founding Fathers freed the slaves, that Lexington and Concord are in New Hampshire, and that the HPV vaccine causes mental retardation. You guys, is this gaffe within a gaffe? Is this Gaffeception?

And here she is later, on celery (??):

"How did you know? That's my favorite food, as bizarre as that is."

There you have it.

Michele Bachmann In Studio: Her Message to Obama: 'The War On Terror Is Not Over' [CBN]