Political Wife Admits Gay Marriage Ban About Saving the 'Caucasian Race'

This week's WTF Were You Thinking, You Boundless Dumbass award goes to Jodie Brunstetter, the wife of prominent North Carolina State Senator Peter Brunstetter, a sponsor of the state's Amendment 1, which would outlaw gay marriage. Mrs. Bruntstetter told bystanders at an event this week that the hateful law is necessary, because her husband says that if it doesn't pass, "the Caucasian race" will die out from not having enough babies. Hoo boy. Take my hand. Let's dive into this festering shitpool of a philosophy together.

First, some background: Mr. Brunstetter's Amendment 1 would not only outlaw gay marriage, it would roll back gay couples' existing right to civil unions and take away benefits currently offered to unmarried couples, both gay and straight. Voters in North Carolina will decide on the measure on May 8.

Earlier this week, Mrs. Brunstetter told a woman in Winston-Salem, "The reason my husband wrote Amendment 1 was because the Caucasian race is diminishing and we need to uh, reproduce." When confronted with the jaw-dropping bigotry displayed by his wife, Peter said that she just "got flustered" because people started shouting questions at her.

Ah, yes. The white supremacist outburst. It's a defense mechanism, the verbal equivalent of the cloud of stench a stink bug emits from its butt when it's frightened by predators. Why, just the other day, I saw a house cat-sized rat in the subway and I was so scared that I started shouting racial slurs at the top of my lungs, much to the chagrin of my fellow passengers. I can't help it! It's a reflex!

The only thing worse than a racist liar is a dumb racist liar who thinks he's smarter than you. Not only do both Brunstetters look like a couple of pre-Civil War relics in this situation, the logic behind the proclamation that outlawing gay marriage will "protect" the "Caucasian race" is founded on more false assumptions than a Creationist science book.

"Caucasian" people are not like gay pandas, a precious endangered species too busy gaying around and eating gay bamboo to reproduce. And barring gay panda Caucasian people from marrying members of the same sex will not cause them to bumble and stumble around until they haplessly fall into procreative sexual intercourse. Does Jodie Brunstetter know that "Caucasian" isn't synonymous with "white people?" Caucasians live in India, on the horn of Africa, the Middle East, and in South America. They're brown and white and black. What Mrs. Brunstetter means is "Aryan." You know, like what Hitler meant, but in America.

[Gather]