In Favor of Knocked-Up Vitamins (Even When You're Not)

Much unlike many a magazine editor who recommends you buy all sorts of crap that they most likely got for free, your Jezebel staff doesn't get jack shit (other than books, unsolicited). And that's how it should be. But on our own time, in our personal lives, we still buy stuff. So this is Worth It, our recommendation of random things that we've actually spent our own money on. These are the things we buy regularly or really like, things we'd actually tell our friends about. And now we're telling you.

I am not a doctor. I am not a health professional. In fact, I have no qualifications in the health field whatsoever, unless you count that first aid C.P.R. certificate I got when I was 14 and looking to improve my odds on my neighborhood's strangely competitive babysitting market. What follows is — like the label on the bottle of vitamins itself states — NOT INTENDED TO DIAGNOSE, TREAT, CURE, OR PREVENT ANY DISEASE. Or to serve as health advice in any way. You do you.

Look. I take pre-natal vitamins. Even though I'm not knocked up, or hoping to be. (You know what's also worth it: AN IUD.) I don't know if taking pre-natal vitamins is a "good idea," medically speaking, because I didn't feel like dropping $100 on a 12-minute doctor's visit to get permission from the medical establishment to start taking a freaking over-the-counter supplement. I've heard conflicting advice about pre-natal vitamins — some doctors advise against taking them because some brands have a lot of iron, Mindy Kaling swears by them — but I've been taking them for a couple months and I'm not dead yet. In fact, I feel great and my hair, skin, and nails all look heaps better. My boobs, too. The only argument against non-gravid individuals taking pre-natal vitamins that I've ever heard and found convincing is one of cost: pre-natal vitamins can be more expensive than regular multi-vitamins. (So, just like women's haircuts and clothes and everything specially made for ladies, ever, then.) I solved that by going to the pharmacy and picking out the absolute cheapest pre-natal vitamins I could find. Kanye shrug.

So the number one thing that is worth it about these vitamins is the look of abject terror on the face of any dude you're boning when he first sees them. That's actually like 90% of the appeal.

What I also love is that my nails are growing in stronger and less flaky than before. I've noticed a huge improvement, and as a lifelong-nail-biter-turned-manicure-obsessive, my nails were in pretty bad condition before these vitamins came into my life. They were soft and brittle and now they're long and hard and look great even unpolished. I hear that biotin (vitamin b-7) is the ingredient that can affect hair and nail quality (my brand of vitamins contains 100% of your daily biotin daily values). I haven't noticed any changes in my hair yet, but numerous hair stylists have told me that pre-natal vitamins give you thicker, stronger, shinier hair. My skin looks better than usual, too. And my boobs are ever so slightly bigger. (When you are a card-carrying permanent member of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee, as I am, even millimetrical changes in boob shape are given immediate and thorough scrutiny. If I were a C- or a D-cup I doubt I'd have noticed any change.) But I even wore a bra one day last week for the first time in years. It felt like I was wearing a hug underneath my clothes. (Then it got itchy and I took it off.)

I have no way of knowing if any of these changes are attributable to the vitamins. But I like them. So I'm gonna keep taking them. And I'm definitely going to keep leaving the bottle out in conspicuous places.

Rainbow Light Prenatal One Vitamins, $17 for 90 tablets at Amazon