Global Superstar Nick Cannon And That Mimi Person Renewed Their Vows

An incandescent Mariah Carey and boy-husband Labradoodle Nick Cannon renewed their wedding vows last night in Edison, New Jersey. Just kidding, on the top of the Eiffel Tower. She spent her luxurious Parisian afternoon shopping at Baby Dior for #dembabies. Cannon spent his standing against a wall, unblinking, until his wife re-entered the room. Also, how much are you willing to bet that Mimi's closet is full of exact replicas of that mermaid-cut dress, like the eponymous Doug? (Hint: The right answer is "Your mortgage.") [People]

  • At a barbecue dinner celebrating his 32nd birthday, Channing Tatum was shocked and delighted by a flash mob arranged in his honor, care of wife Jenna Dewan. They all writhed in barbecue sauce, and Stepped Up heartily, and many LOLs were had. [People]
  • Zoe Kravitz talked to Nylon about her style: "I feel like everyone thinks that everyone should look the same." Meanwhile, everyone thinks that everyone should look like Zoe Kravitz, and there is a rip in the space-time continuum. [The Life Files]
  • Kimye are wearing his-and-hers sneakers now. [Radar]
  • Pregnant Snooki Polizzi says that she "would die" if she were Jessica Simpson's size. Can't we just fast-forward to the part where she inflates into a giant blueberry and the Oompa-Loompas have to take her to the Juicing Room? [US Weekly]
  • This season's Bachelorette Emily Maynard is reportedly furious that one of her favorite prospects had a thing with a show producer. I'll restate: Romantic disingenuousness shocks this season's Bachelorette Emily Maynard. [Radar]
  • Tallulah Willis is dating the white kid from Odd Future. Ughhh, just go to NYU already, Tallulah Willis. [Radar]
  • After a missed flight, Lindsay Lohan finally makes it to POTUS, is probably still DRUNKUS. [TMZ]
  • UK boy band The Wanted says Christina Aguilera is "a total bitch," clearly not realizing IT'S BURLEEEEEEESQUE! Um, right? [Contact Music]
  • 11-year-old Lilla Crawford will star in the Broadway revival of Annie, following in the footsteps of little Sarah Jessica Parker in 1979. Have you seen the YouTube videos? They're darling. [NY Daily News]
  • Courtney Stodden, esteemed scholar of alliteration, wore stripper heels to Ralph's. [Yeeeah]
  • It's an exciting time for Ralph's! District 12 tribute Peeta (Josh Hutcherson) also rolled up with a fake ID and bought a fancy bottle of whiskey. [TMZ]
  • Cyndi Lauper will be joining the cast of Bones. [Caught On Set]
  • Kristen Stewart looks awesome and sneer-less on the cover of Elle UK. [Just Jared]