Sandra Fluke Sluttily Commits Self to a Lifetime of Monogamy

Sandra Fluke, newly minted feminist icon who was called a "slut" after testifying about the cost of birth control before members of Congress, has gotten engaged to her boyfriend of 8 years. That harridan!

Fluke's betrothed is comedy writer Adam Mutterperl, the son of a major Democratic donor. This has led some conservative commentators to postulate that somehow President Obama, working his voodoo Africa magic through Fluke, planned to have her specifically testify on Capitol Hill only to be rejected (somehow she planned this, too?) by a Republican-led panel which led to a big outpouring of disappointment from American women upset that no women were representing them in a conversation about birth control, and then somehow Fluke/Obama/Adam Mutterperl's dad worked together to force Rush Limbaugh to call Sandra Fluke a slut like 57 times and then forced everyone to realize how fucked up it was and forced all those businesses to stop .

This is a conspiracy almost as complicated as the one where Barack Obama's mom Stanley Ann Dunham published a fake birth announcement in a paper in Hawaii on the day he was actually born in Kenya because she knew that one day her biracial son would try to run for President.

Anyway, congratulations on your giant conspiracy of a wedding, Sandra. The planning you'll have to do over the course of the next several months will pale in comparison to the planning we all had to do to stage the "war on women."

[The Daily Beast]