Incredibly Fat Cat Makes Me Feel So Many Things

This morning the Today Show introduced us to Meow, a current resident of the Santa Fe Animal Shelter & Humane Society. Meow weighs 39 goddamn pounds (and 10 ounces, for good measure). Meow's former owner was an elderly lady who could no longer handle the poor thing, who, according the vet, "was not fed a healthy diet, and way too much of it, and lacks a certain amount of willpower."

Aw. But...this cat is a thing that exists. I don't even know how to feel. So many feelings; I am not good at feelings! Thoughts that ran through my head:

  • Oh my god, LOOK at that thing! He's hilarious!
  • Aw, it's not his fault.
  • His arms and legs look so tiny!
  • This is not funny.
  • This cat is America's obesity crisis.
  • I think I'm going to cry. This is really sad.
  • Quit fucking crying at everything, Jesus.
  • What's this cat's socioeconomic background? Did he have access to healthy cat food?
  • I shouldn't judge a cat. I am not judging a cat.
  • Do they make plus-size kitty collars? Or do you use a dog collar?
  • Did Matt Lauer just fat-shame a cat?!
  • A cat that fat can't run away when I want to snuggle.
  • That cat must be awesome for snuggles. Like a pillow.
  • I am so selfish. I don't deserve snuggles.
  • Poor kitty.
  • That cat is just ridiculous.
  • Can a cat be expected to have self-control?
  • CATKINS DIET.
  • I want to help him. I should volunteer more.
  • Was "Meow" the best name they could come up with?
  • Shut up, Ann Curry.
  • God help that cat.