A tidal wave of sex juices and prophylactics has inundated a Manhattan neighborhood and residents are so grossed out by it that they're trying to enforce a parking ban on the weekends in an effort to force people to take their dirty, furtive car sex to the Meatpacking District where it belongs.
The New York Post, of course, reports that a concerted effort among the neighbors around West 30th between Seventh and Eighth avenues (or for anyone who thinks of Manhattan as a real-life Panopticon experiment, cellblocks 27-33) to ban parking on the weekends and end the reign of sexual terror on their streets has so far elicited little sympathy from chair of the Transportation Committee, Raju Mann. Though flustered residents say that discarded condoms and "other paraphernalia" carpet their sidewalks, Mann merely shrugs and reminds them that they live in the middle of a constant panoply of humanity in all its most grotesque and oppressive manifestations. "There's all kinds of problematic activity going on," says Mann, "like noise, violence, sexual activity and drug use." In other words, all New Yorkers have plenty to complain about and the residents of the West 30s should just grit their teeth and be thankful that the subway people haven't marshalled a city-wide rebellion (yet).
The Department of Transportation is currently reviewing the residents' proposal for a far-reaching no-parking zone, but such a request is rare and the city probably has a whole host of other mind-boggling problems to deal with. Like the Morlocks marshalling in the subway tunnels. Rebel NYC and The Parlor Midtown — the two major hotspots in the area most likely responsible for getting patrons so sexed-up with house music and bottle service that they can't wait a whole car ride to do it — are trying to work with residents in the surrounding area to cut down on all the semi-public sex. But residents are getting frustrated with all the late-night double-parking and horn-honking, and probably anything short of a steep drop in property values and the resulting rent decrease (residents pay as much as $9,500 a month in rent) will fail to assuage their anger.
Manhattan residents want parking ban because of sex in cars [New York Post]
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