Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds May Be Coming to a Subdivision Near YouS

Box-office flopping couple Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds are looking to live out their life of unmarried sin in the centrally air-conditioned hell that is the tri-state area's suburbs. According to People, Lively and Reynolds have purchased a "beautiful country home" in Bedford, New York, and will now start filling it with overpriced minutiae from Pottery Barn. The Daily News, however, assures us that the couple is still deciding between upscale suburban neighborhoods in New Canaan, Connecticut and Bedford. I wonder if either town is making a pitch to the couple, you know, trying to grease the wheels a little bit and reassure Lively and Reynolds that they'd be happily accepted as members of towns that seethe with boredom, dissatisfaction, and creepy teenage kids filming plastic grocery bags in empty parking lots. Maybe someone should send them an edible arrangement before they decide that Connecticut and New York are just too unfriendly and that where they really ought to move is New Jersey. [NYDN, People]

  • Despite rumors of Bruce Jenner's dissent, the Kardashian clan unanimously ratified Kim's spring romance with Kanye West after meeting the rapper yesterday in New Yawwwk City, golly gee. [TMZ]
  • A judge has ordered former Kim Kardashian paramour Ray J to pay more than $26,000 after blowing off an appearance at a South Carolina radio station called Cox Radio. According to the lawsuit filed by the station, Ray J happily accepted his fee and then never showed up at the gig, thinking that he'd just vanish into the West like so many bandits and desperadoes before him. [TMZ]
  • Chaz Bono pocketed a pair of honors last night at the GLAAD Media Awards — the outstanding documentary prize and the Stephen F. Kolzak Award. Josh Hutcherson was also in attendance, and the 19-year-old became the youngest ever recipient of the Vanguard Award for his anti-bullying campaign Straight But Not Narrow. [AP]
  • If wild speculation holds true, Robert Pattinson may star in yet another filmified YA novel — the actor is rumored to be up for the role of Finnick Odair in Catching Fire. [Celebs Gather]
  • Admit it: you were starting to think that Jessica Simpson was actually carrying an Alien/Predator hybrid spawn and had been whisked away to Area 51 so she could give birth to the creature in top secret and then be provided a substitute human baby to present to the public. None of that has happened, of course, and she remains stubbornly pregnant. [E!]
  • Lil Kim will challenge Nicki Minaj this summer to a concert tour deathmatch when she hits the road for her "Return of the Queen Bee Tour." [Fresh Like Dougie]
  • Yesterday was Queen Elizabeth II's 86th and her feelings are really hurt that you didn't get her anything even though she told you that birthdays weren't that big a deal for her. You should really know her better than that by now. [E!]
  • In an effort to truly talk that talk, Rihanna tweeted more intimate photos of herself in a bathrobe and garter belt. [Daily Mail]
  • Justin Bieber randomly took to Twitter last night to gloat about not being the father of Mariah Yeater's child and also assure her that he will never sleep with her. "Dear Mariah Yeeter," the tweet began, "...we have never met...so from the heart i just wanted to say..." and continued with a link to a clip from Borat in which Sacha Baron Cohen says, "You'll never get this," over and over again. Way to unnecessarily make enemies, Biebs. [E!]
  • In news of bygone action stars from the 80s, Kathy Griffin does not believe that Mel Gibson has been properly excoriated for his misogynistic, anti-Semitic rants. Griffin might want to be careful about calling for severe punishments because Gibson could take it to heart and make a two-hour snuff film where, after being tortured self-righteously for most of the movie, he's actually drawn and quartered right before the end credits. [TMZ
  • Willie Nelson helped the good residents of Austin unveil a statue of himself Friday, the twentieth of April, which is the fourth month of the year in our Gregorian calendar, by singing "Roll Me Up and Smoke Me When I Die." Attendees were reportedly smoking weed, but, unfortunately, the source of the faint body odor smell could not be located. [AP]
  • Rock and roll's very own gunslinger Ted Nugent has agreed with federal authorities to plead guilty to illegally killing a black bear in Alaska while suffering hallucinations from cat scratch fever. Waka waka. [AP]
  • But that's not the only thing Crazy Uncle Ted got in trouble for this week — the big brass at Fort Knox has decided to cancel his concert at the place where most people who haven't seen Die Hard: With a Vengeance think we keep all the gold after Nugent said at an NRA convention, "If Barack Obama becomes the president in November again, I will either be dead or in jail by this time next year." Who will replace him? Either Styx or REO Speedwagon, officials just can't decide. [CNN]
  • James Cameron, Master of the Seven Seas, will become Google's most critically-acclaimed space cadet. [Mashable]
  • Neil Diamond, a longtime physician who uses the healing powers of love and really red wine to cure his patients of their broken hearts, has married Katie McNiel. [People]