Soon We Might Have Shorter Life Expectancies Than Our Fat Sitcom Husbands

While research suggests that women will, on average, still outlive men by four years (the average is 66.1 to 81.6 years for men and 73.5 to 86 years for women), the most recent study done by the Institute for Health Metrics and Evaluation, a health research center at the University of Washington, says that the American female's lifespan is improving at a slower rate than men's for a number of reasons, particularly a lack of attention to potentially fatal medical—epecially cardiological—issues (increased heart blockage in female smokers, a lack of attention to heart disease in general). Another reason: Some physicans don't take women as seriously when they appear with symptoms, writing them off as hyperbolic hysterics, which is ridiculous, am I right, ladies? Am I right, ladies? #amirightlayyyydeeeees???! What? My brain is full of handbags and earrings! She's a witch! Burn her!

Incredibly, in some areas, female life expectancy is even shorter than it was 20 years ago. Based on data grouped by age, sex and county across the nation from 1989 to 2009, it determines that life expectancy for men improved by an average of 4.6 years, but only by 2.7 years for women. Women's life expectancy improvement began its decline in 1999 and was first seen in 166 U.S. counties (notably 84% of Oklahoma's, 58% of Tennessee's and 33% of Georgia's). So, like... don't have a heart attack in Oklahoma, gals, and furthermore, don't go to any of these places, ever.

Women lag in life-expectancy gains [USA Today]

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