The Mulligan-Mumford Muptials Are Apparently Happening TodayS

It's all happening! Carey Mulligan and Marcus Mumford (otherwise known as the Sith version of Michelle Williams and Jason Segel) are getting married on top of a mountain, and there's going to be flutes playing and trombones and flowers and garlands of fresh herbs. And they will dance until the sun rises. And then their children will form a family band. And they will tour the countryside, and you will not be invited. Also, they asked their friend Adele to sing. Does she have any happy songs? Or will she just read the definition of "love" from Merriam-Webster's and perform an uninspired cover of "At Last" like all the weddings I've been to? [MTV UK]

  • Meanwhile, Mulligan's former flame Shia LaBeouf was in Chicago last weekend at a comic book expo, attempting to launch a third career (the first two being getting into bar fights and digging holes with Sigourney Weaver or something) in the industry. He has self-published three graphic novels called Stale 'N' Mate, Cyclical, Let's... Party and I Am Frankie Muniz's Hangy-Downy Old Lady Elbow Skin. (I may have invented the last one.) [People]
  • Ugh, Mommmmm! (In the style of Kim Kardashian and Kris Jenner.) [Twitter]
  • DJs apparently keep busting Kim Kardashian's ex-husband Kris Humphries' balls by playing Kimye anthem "Way Too Cold" (""Lucky I ain't have Jay[-Z] drop him [Humphries] from the team.") in the clubs he frequents. DJ humor, guys. [Page Six]
  • Speaking of Hova, during Isla Fisher's first day on the set of Baz Luhrmann's The Great Gatsby, they filmed a scene with Jay-Z on full blast in the background. Fisher then, hilariously, clarified that the take would not appear in the film. Really? Why not? (I hope they were listening to Reasonable Doubt.) [Vulture]
  • Nicki Minaj does not want to be poor again, if you were wondering. She added: ''If you are born with a silver spoon in your mouth and you come into this business you're going to get let down a lot. And it will probably send you crazy. This is only for the mentally strong. If you're not then it's not going to work.'' Lena: Are you sent crazy yet? Roman: Can I borrow that dress you have that's made of Bubble Yum and packing tape and dreams? [Contact Music]
  • Former America's Next Top Model judge Nigel Barker, ousted along with Mr. and Mrs. Jay in a river of blood and Wet 'n' Wild cosmetics, says that it was not a surprise and he does not blame Tyra Banks. Smize through the tears. [Digital Spy]
  • Once upon a time, two Strawberry Milkshake Pop-Tarts named Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber had their spot blown up by the Kiss Cam at a Lakers game. Later, on Ryan Seacrest's KIIS-FM radio show, Gomez said it was mortifying: "All of a sudden we're both looking up and we come on the screen and it's like... It was so awkward. It was so weird. I mean you have to kiss, right?" As someone with a starfish-like reproductive system, Seacrest was thrown. [Daily Mail]
  • Pippa Middleton's ass came out of hiding after it got yelled at for brandishing a gun in Paris, and it did not see its shadow, and that means we won't have six more weeks of winter. [E! Online]
  • After throwing a drink at another woman at The Standard on Wednesday, Lindsay Lohan is finally doing the sensible thing, which is not ever going back there because it's cursed. [TMZ]
  • Basketball Wives star Nia Crooks could get up to a year in jail on a misdemeanor battery charge for slapping the shit out of co-star Jennifer Williams. [TMZ]
  • Thankfully, after falling into a coma earlier this month, Bee Gee Robin Gibb appears to be staying alive. [NDTV Movies]
  • Katy Perry may be rebounding from Russell Brand with Florence + The Machine guitarist Robert Ackroyd. [E! Online]
  • Here are those pictures you didn't ask for of Glee's faux-handicapped Kevin McHale's ginormous house. [Perez Hilton]
  • And these children that you spit on, as they try to change their worlds, are immune to your consultations—they're quite aware what they're goin' through. In related news, Jenelle Evans is on probation again. [Radar Online]
  • Dog Whisperer and newly-minted divorcé Cesar Millian will be paying his wife a one-time sum of $400,000, subsequent monthly support payments of $33,000, and will be probably whispering to dogs about what an asshole his wife is. [TMZ]
  • Arnold Schwarzenegger got out of a speeding ticket in Beverly Hills. [TMZ]