When you sit and ponder what the future will be like, the first question that comes to your mind is almost definitely "Who will I be fucking?" Right? Well, maybe the question would be more accurately phrased as "What will I be fucking?" But no matter how you ask it, the answer is sex robots. Yes, in the future, we will all be fucking sex robots.
At least if you believe two researchers from Victoria University who've written a paper called, "Robots, Men And Sex Tourism." They cast their minds forward to imagine what the red light district in Amsterdam will look like in 2050, and the results are pretty fascinating.
The paper was written by Ian Yeoman, a management professor, and Michelle Mars, a sexologist. It was published in the journal Futures, and it centers around a fictional sex club that the authors call Yub-Yum. A strange name for a sex club, but whatever, we'll just go with it because if we start to question anything in this paper, it will completely unravel this glorious vision of a sex-robot-filled future. Anyway, at Yub-Yum, "sexual tourists" will pay 10,000 Euro to gain an all-access pass to services ranging from massage to sex with any number ''of sexual gods and goddesses of different ethnicities, body shapes, ages, languages and sexual features.'' A veritable buffet of sexbots.
While the paper addresses men's apparently considerable sex tourism needs, let's go ahead an assume this wonderful future includes equal opportunities for women. That means we lucky ladies will also have the chance to be mounted by the sexbots of our choice. (Time to live out all of your wildest Mitt Romney fantasies, ladies. Anyone? Anyone?)
You might wonder why you'd want to have sex with a machine when you could, oh I don't know, have sex with a human being. Well, there are a few supposed perks. One, these androids would be made from "bacteria resistant fibre and would be flushed for human fluids, therefore guaranteeing no STIs are transferred between consumers." A comforting thought, to be sure. The germaphobes among us might balk at the thought of sharing a sex instrument (even a sanitized one) with strangers, but then again germaphobes are probably not heading to brothels in droves.
The second bonus to sexbots is that you can supposedly bang them without feeling guilty for cheating on your significant other. Hmm, that is a dubious claim. Sure, it may not be human, but you're definitely seeking satisfaction from a human-like entity, which is just a hair away from the real deal. There are bound to be plenty of "Is that android lipstick I see on your collar?" and "Why is there a charge for ‘Sexbots R Us' on the credit card statement?" moments in the future.
The third, and perhaps most important, consequence of techno-sex is that if it took off, it would cut down on or eliminate the need for sex trafficking and all of the other terrible things that go along with the sex industry. But that is a BIG if.
In the end, the paper's authors conclude, ''Robot sex is safer sex, free from the constraints, precautions and uncertainties of the real deal.'' Okay, sure, that is true. But how compelling is sticking your peen into a machine really going to be? Will these sex tourists of the future even be wiling to submit their delicate genitalia to the powerful grip of an automaton? What if the circuits malfunction, and it locks onto you and won't let go? (Eek!) Even if it's incredibly life-like, isn't there something a real live woman offers that can't be recreated by a sanitized, scantily-clad android?
The truth is, sex robots already exist in a primitive form and the results are less than compelling to most of us. But who knows, maybe in the future we'll see things differently. For one thing, the planet might be so hot that we won't even want to have sex with other humans, and instead we'll all cuddle up with iced sexbots at night. For another, we might not have to pay to have sex with androids in a house of ill repute because we might literally be able to have sex with our Android, as in the phone, or our iPhone (iBone?) or any number of other magical tablet devices that will no doubt exist by 2050. God. What a world.