Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which we rifle through the wardrobes of In Touch, Us, Ok!, Life & Style, and Star. This week, tabloids editors once again discuss Jessica Simpson's baby as though it's already been born; there are several different versions of how Brad proposed to Angie; and the brazen hussies of the Kardashian Klan just chew up and spit out poor, helpless men.
"Brad & Angie Engaged!"
This is a "special collector's edition" of the magazine that lies to you week after week, and inside, the story explains that Maddox has been pushing Brad and Angelina to get married for years, and Zahara is "dying" to be a bridesmaid. The proposal is described thusly: "They had been fighting about their conflickting schedules and it was pretty nasty… Then Brad comes in and says, 'Will you marry me?' They both started crying and hugged for like 30 minutes." This is according to a source, who also insists that Angie wants a "classic, white, long wedding dress with a veil." And! The mag has a little gloat corner, called "Ok! TOLD YOU FIRST," in which the editors claim they called this engagement a while back. Yeah, like in 2007, when your cover blared "Wedding Of The Year". Also inside: Some doctor forgot to tell Lindsay Lohan not to fly immediately after getting Botox, and the five hour flight's change in air pressure fucked up her face. Worse: Lindsay is broke. "She's as poor as poor can be, doesn't have two nickels to rub together and owes more than $3million in debt," says an insider. Sigh.
Grade: D (shredded jeans)