Your Dream Fiance Marilyn Manson Is Engaged to Another Woman [UPDATED]

Bad news for all you lovers of milky contact lenses and secretive Wonder Years pasts — Marilyn Manson is tying the knot with his girlfriend of 5 weeks, "independent occult film maker" Seraphim Ward. Sources say that Manson proposed with a family ring (ooooh) of celtic origin (ahhhh) and that Seraphim is over the goddamn moon about it, claiming the ring has a "magical bonding to the receiver."

Manson has been married once before (to Dita Von Teese) and has three engagements under his belt (he also planned on marrying Rose McGowan and Evan Rachel Wood). To his credit, I'm sure he proposed to those women with regular boring old engagement rings — another source (the romantic in me) claims that he's been saving the magic ring all along, waiting until he was certain that he found the one.

Congrats to the happy couple! May their union be blessed and bathed in blood.

[UPDATE] Marilyn Manson's reps have denied the engagement, claiming that Manson and Ward have never met.

[Double UPDATE] Marilyn Manson was never in The Wonder Years. Calm down, nerds.

MARILYN MANSON IS ENGAGED AFTER FIVE-WEEK COURTSHIP [Life & Style]

Image via Frazer Harrison/Getty.