Didn't you always wonder what would happen when rival boy bands crossed paths, imagining that if, say, ‘N Sync and the Backstreet Boys accidentally booked the same recording studio at the same time, they'd engage in a melodious, well-choreographed dance fight straight out of West Side Story? According to TMZ, we all came tantalizingly close to experiencing such a socially transformative event when One Direction and The Wanted showed up at the same Burbank rehearsal studio.
Rumors have been circulating in British tabloids that The Wanted have some kind of blood-feud with One Direction, and though British tabloids are often about as reliable chroniclers of current events as sixth grade social studies students, our domestic tabloids assure us that the considerably younger and scrawnier members of One Direction were shaking in their knickers when they realized The Wanted had booked the same rehearsal studio on the same day. All of them were shaking, that is, except team leader Liam who probably said something along the lines of "Come at me, bro" to Max of The Wanted. Turns out, however, that there was never any feud, and while bodyguards for each respective group discussed One Direction's fears, Max from The Wanted bolted into the studio and hugged Liam. The bands shared a hearty series of sonorous laughs after that, with everybody in One Direction mollified except Louis, who's never going to make it in this hard, cruel world if he doesn't toughen up a little. Maybe he should watch the seminal 90s movie 3 Ninjas so that Colt can teach him a lesson or six in unrestrained bluster. [TMZ]
- Sad news about Robin Gibb and his arduous struggle with colon cancer — the 62-year-old Bee Gee slipped into a coma last night as his family gathered for a bedside vigil. Gibbs has developed pneumonia and doctors worry that he also has a second tumor.
- If it had been up to lovesick Marc Anthony, he and Jennifer Lopez would be on a beach somewhere super warm, rubbing mineral oil all over each other. As it is, though, J.Lo has a new, sprightlier man-toy named Casper Smart, whose penis she loves deeply. Marc Anthony says he only filed for divorce when he asked his estranged wife if she really wanted to go through with it and she said that she did because, well, she'd already planned to put Casper Smart in one of her music videos, which is tantamount to a J.Lo declaration of a few years of tabloid devotion. [TMZ]
- Britney Spears is getting divorced! Okay, Britney's not technically getting divorced because she's not married, but she's delegated divorce duties to her assistant, Brett Miller who is splitting from her husband of about a year Frank Lionetti. Britney served as a bridesmaid at Miller's wedding, wearing what TMZ refers to several times as an "ugly bridesmaid dress," the sort of potato sack that David Tutera (this is like the seventh time I've mentioned David Tutera throughout Dirt Bag stuff, btw) would gape at and discreetly tell the television audience, "Fuck no." [TMZ]
- Lauren Conrad, who is a famous person, just dropped a cool $1.35 million on a Beverly Hills condo that looks on the inside like the well-appointed abode of a 1920s Hollywood madam. In other words, very awesome, at least for the time being before Conrad mucks it up with some generic crap from Pottery Barn. [TMZ]
- Are Catholics really upset about the skimpy bathing suit swimsuit model Kate Upton wears in the new The Three Stooges movie? Do sea otters eat clams off of their fuzzy bellies? A spokesperson for the Catholic League did some adamant gesticulating and denouncing in an effort to impress on movie-going audiences how sacrilegious it is for Hollywood to sexualize a religious order of women conspicuous for their chastity. This spokesperson, however, fails to mention how sacrilegious it is to have anyone except the Three Stooges behaving like the Three Stooges, which is way more egregious than Kate Upton's boobs, especially considering that this movie (rated PG) was directed by the Farrelly brothers, the same men who famously put semen in Cameron Diaz's hair. I wonder if Catholics were upset then, what with all the wasted life force that went into making Diaz's hair stand straight up. Also, did you guys know Sean Hayes plays Mo? Wild. [NYDN]
- Kris Humphries went out to dinner recently and wasn't bothered at all when the DJ (the dinner DJ) played Kanye West's new song "Theraflu," in which the rapper somehow vaguely insults Humphries for his ill-fated marriage to Kim Kardashian. I imagine the Kris Humphries reacts to music more or less the same way that Boris Karloff reacts to it in Bride of Frankenstein, which is to say that he's too mesmerized by the melody to care about the lyrics. [Page Six]
- Nick Lachey's celebrity child vessel Vanessa Minnillo says that she and her husband are "beyond the moon excited" for the new baby and that, though she hasn't had any strange pregnancy cravings, she's just trying to eat as much food as she possibly can. Healthy food, she stipulates, though of course that could still mean anything because zebra cakes are just as good for the soul as kale is for whatever kale is good for. [Us]
- With news breaking yesterday harder than a Northshore wave that Pauly D makes as much as $150,000 per Jersey Shore episode, the public is dying to know if the entire cast makes as much. You can breathe easy — only Snooki and The Situation earn comparable salaries. The rest of the casts is paid entirely in tanning salon and gym vouchers, with JWoww receiving a special stipend to keep disruptive boyfriends fed during filming. [E!]
- Something else pretty important about Britney Spears is that she's teamed up with Hasbro to develop Twister Dance, which is essentially a Twister mat that comes with an instructional video teaching you how to dance to all of today's hottest hits. Movie rights have already been optioned, and the prospective film will constitute the last of Hasbro's stand-alone board game movies before the toymaker/film studio/black hole of cultural taste makes an Avenger's style ensemble movie in which all of its board games and toys will form a super team aimed at protecting modern children from pernicious video games. I made all that up, of course, but now that it's in writing it seems like it so could happen. [E!]
- Wyclef Jean has taken up a new banner of social activism now that Haiti definitely doesn't want him him to be its president — the Fugees musician has collaborated with Prescribed and J. Williams to released a track called "Justice (If You're 17)" in honor of Trayvon Martin.
- Former Guns N' Roses bassist Duff McKagan wishes the band would just get along so that they can all be pleasantly inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Then they can all go back to hating each other, or hating Axl Rose for being a dick to everyone all the time. [MTV]
- After overcoming a struggle with leukemia, Ryan O'Neal says he has been diagnosed with stage four prostate cancer. O'Neal remains upbeat despite the news and assured the public that he plans on making a full recovery. "Although I was shocked and stunned by the news," said O'Neal, "I feel fortunate that it was detected early and according to my extraordinary team of doctors the prognosis is positive for a full recovery." [People]
- Carrie Underwood and her assuredly virile hockey-playing husband don't want kids yet because kids are expensive and ornery little miracles of evolutionary deception. The couple travels a lot and Underwood rightly thinks it wouldn't be as easy to put her kids in the kennel for a long weekend as it is to put her dogs in the kennel. [Us]
- Before news of the couple's engagement, Brad Pitt had offered a really clever, socially progressive excuse for not proposing to Angelina Jolie, which is that he wouldn't get married until gay couples had the right to do so as well. Who could argue with such a noble protest? Except now that GLAAD has ratified the Pitt-Jolie mega union, all he can really do to avert the impending nuptials is fake his own death and live as a cattle rancher in Argentina.
- Anne Hathaway thought she was auditioning for Harley Quinn, the Joker's maniacal life-of-crime partner, not Catwoman, because she heard that The Dark Knight Rises director Christopher Nolan wasn't interested in reimagining a villain from one of the earlier Batman movies, even though that's exactly what he did with the Joker. Comic book fans can now enjoy a smug laugh at her expense. [Batman-News]
- Christina Aguilera appears to be a little slimmer in a surreptitious photo of her getting into a car. She's wearing all black, so we should assume that she's on some new sort of ninja fitness program aimed at assassinating fat with nunchuks. [Us]
- Mel Gibson's Judah of Maccabee project may have stalled because Warner Bros. is worried that audiences think Gibson is anti-Semetic or something. [AP]
- Not to spoil anything, but director Adam McKay has alluded to a custody battle in Anchorman 2. Here's hoping it's a custody battle between Paul Rudd and Steve Carell over their adopted grizzly cub. [NYDN]