Harry Dean Stanton and Richard Grieco Haunt The Avengers Red Carpet

Last night's premiere of The Avengers proved to be particularly ugly for men's fashion. And if Harry Dean Stanton wasn't drunk when he got dressed, I'll eat Richard Grieco's hat.

Harry Dean Stanton and Richard Grieco Haunt The Avengers Red Carpet

I'm getting really into Richard Grieco and his new job of red carpet socialite. I mean, he's not actually in these movies, but he brings it upon himself to show up to the premieres and sit on vehicles, like he just happened to be chilling when all these photographers and fans and movie stars showed up.

Harry Dean Stanton and Richard Grieco Haunt The Avengers Red Carpet

Harry Dean Stanton is wearing a fleece scarf with snowflakes on it in Los Angeles. In April.

Harry Dean Stanton and Richard Grieco Haunt The Avengers Red Carpet

I have to wonder if these young girls (aged 14 to 18) were scared out of their minds when they saw Grieco and Stanton. Especially that particularly young-looking one on the right, who thinks she's adult enough for platform heels and a short dress. Maybe after being confronted with that kind of morbidity she wasn't in such a hurry to grow up. And when I say "morbidity" I mean Grieco's career, of course.

Harry Dean Stanton and Richard Grieco Haunt The Avengers Red Carpet

Dominic Monaghan's perfectly distressed jeans seem a little dated. As for Chris Hemsworth: Why bother with a three-piece suit if you're not going to go all the way with the tie and everything? Lastly, Jeremy Renner's iridescent suit is pretty disgusting.

Harry Dean Stanton and Richard Grieco Haunt The Avengers Red Carpet

The purple suit is cool, but the purple lenses have to go. Give them to Harry Dean Stanton, who would probably wear them on a rainy evening.

Harry Dean Stanton and Richard Grieco Haunt The Avengers Red Carpet

Between the spiked and suede shoes, the feather skirt, the satin top and the sequined accents, Aisha Tyler has way too many textures going on.

Harry Dean Stanton and Richard Grieco Haunt The Avengers Red Carpet

While the mix-and-match fluorescents of Audrina Patridge's outfit didn't photograph all that well (the colors differed in other pictures), I really like the effort and I bet it was stunning in person. Do you think that working at Dancing with the Stars makes a person (Karina Smirnoff) view sequins differently, as in, "necessary"? Cobie Smulders' dress looks a lot like tire tracks.

Harry Dean Stanton and Richard Grieco Haunt The Avengers Red Carpet

The super high neckline of Scarlett Johansson's dress makes her look like the Exclamation! perfume bottle.

Harry Dean Stanton and Richard Grieco Haunt The Avengers Red Carpet

I think that in a different context—like the Golden Globes or the Emmys—Kat Graham's RoboFish gown would've been super cool and fashion forward. But wearing something like this to the premiere of a movie you aren't even in, with Richard Grieco mugging on a motorcycle behind you, makes it just seem ridiculous.