Penn Does Not Have a Problem With Semen-Clogged ShowersS

A memo entitled "RE: MASTURBATION IN SHOWERS," written by one "P. Rogers," Director of Penn Residential Services, on official University of Pennsylvania letterhead has been circling around Facebook and Twitter today. It reads:

We have recently found several blockages in showers in university owned accommodation, most commonly caused by human hair.

However, over these last few weeks we found many of these blockages to be caused by large quantities of what we have now determined to be semen. This is intolerable, and we shall be tracing the culprits by means of DNA matching if the problem persists.

May we advise students who wish to masturbate to do so in the comfort of their own rooms, rather than the showers.

Thank you for taking time to read this document.

P Rogers,
Director,
Penn Residential Services

It's obviously a prank, but just for fun, we called the Maintenance Hotline number listed on the memo for comment. We were told that no one named P. Rogers works in Residential Services and "the Penn Residential Services letterhead is everywhere." All Penn students who enjoy jacking off in the shower can now breathe a sigh of relief.

Here's the full memo:

Penn Does Not Have a Problem With Semen-Clogged ShowersS