The Snack Food of Eternal YouthS

The American Chemical Society gathered in San Diego this week to discuss, uh, chemicals, I guess, and their findings are delicious.

Popcorn was declared the "perfect snack food" (though by "perfect" they really mean "least worst"), because it's an unprocessed whole grain and contains higher concentrations of polyphenols (potentially helpful antioxidants) than most fruits and vegetables.

(Aside: Fuck, corn is getting confusing, right? Never eat the corn! Corn is the best! Corn is good for you, except when it's bad, which is most of the time!)

"Air-popped popcorn has the lowest number of calories, of course," Vinson said. "Microwave popcorn has twice as many calories as air-popped, and if you pop your own with oil, this has twice as many calories as air-popped popcorn. About 43 percent of microwave popcorn is fat, compared to 28 percent if you pop the corn in oil yourself."

Likewise, Vinson pointed out that popcorn cannot replace fresh fruits and vegetables in a healthy diet. Fruits and vegetables contain vitamins and other nutrients that are critical for good health, but are missing from popcorn.

Hear that, people? Under no circumstances should you throw all your fruits and vegetables in the garbage and replace them with popcorn ballz. Science.)

But ANYWAY, there's more. Scientists are also extolling the virtues of chocolate (linked to lower BMIs), chili peppers (more polyphenols), and coffee beans (possible metabolic booster). The clever folks at the Los Angeles Times tracked down a recipe combining all four of those magic ingredients—Aztec Chocolate Caramel Popcorn, serves FORTY—and as far as I can tell, if you eat it you will live forever. Because science has never been wrong or biased about what foods we should eat. See you in the year 3045, bitchez!

(C) pancaketom / Stockfresh.