It's Going to Be Awkward When Megan Fox's Baby Comes Out With Megan Fox's Old NoseS

Megan Fox is pregnant. Allegedly. When I found out, I had the same thought as when I heard that Halle Berry was pregnant: Won't the baby have her old nose?

Maybe the tabloids are wrong. Maybe Megan Fox has not had any plastic surgery. But just for today, let's pretend she did. That's fine, that's her prerogative. (And the fact that you're not sure she had something done is the ultimate sign of good work.) But here's the thing: When her baby is born, he or she (let's just say she, for today) will be beautiful. Not beautiful in a superficial glossy Hollywood way, not beautiful because she has her mom's genes and a symmetrical face. Beautiful because life is beautiful, new life is beautiful, and all of the complicated cell divisions and science and alchemy that go into creating a new being, whether it's human or clouded leopard cub, is awesome.

So here is this beautiful baby girl, which obviously any mother would look at and deem flawless, because babies are a miracle and innocent and soft and squishy. Here are Megan and her beautiful, flawless baby… with Megan's old nose. Right there on her perfect tiny face. Growing, every day. Will Megan look at this baby and realize, wow, she is beautiful, and humans are constructed in such an amazing way, and think, "Why did I ever feel I needed 'fixing'? All is as it is meant to be." Or will she think, "Man, it's a cruel world, nothing is perfect, we can all use a little improvement, from braces to Lasik to rhinoplasty. And this kid's gonna need at least two out of three." Will Megan realize that she, too, was once a small, perfect package, and her mother, Darlene, looked at her as a beautiful and flawless human? (Darlene has said, "As a mom, I look at Megan as my baby girl… It's hard to believe that other people look at her [as a sexpot].")

It's Going to Be Awkward When Megan Fox's Baby Comes Out With Megan Fox's Old NoseS

It's curious to me, because I wonder if you can tell your daughter that she is beautiful and lovely — and mean it — if she has the old nose that you hated. Or, if you can, do you realize what you're saying? You're saying that your old nose, the one you had sliced open, destroyed and rebuilt by a doctor, is actually not that bad.

And consider this: Little girls always think that their mother is the prettiest lady on the planet. What if you think your mom is gorgeous, and you know she's had a nose job? Will you think that, in order to be pretty like her, you need one too? Or what if you're a little girl and you don't know your mommy has had a nose job, you just know she's pretty — do you start wondering why you're not as pretty as she is? Why her nose is so slender and sleek while yours is wide? Do you start to think, very quietly and secretly to yourself, that you must be ugly, even if your mommy says otherwise?

But wait, you say. Maybe Megan felt she had to tweak her looks, in order to compete at auditions in Hollywood, in order to keep up with the cruel unspoken rules, which demand that an actress be unblemished and impeccable? Well, sure, but at what point does playing the game become perpetuating the impossible standards of beauty? If actresses stopped with the nose jobs, Botox, eye lifts and fillers, then maybe we, the audiences who gaze in awe at these faces on the silver screen, wouldn't feel ugly and misshapen in comparison. Maybe we wouldn't feel pressured to get nose jobs, Botox and fillers. Think of teenage self-esteem. Think of the self-acceptance messages we could be sending to each other.

But wait, you say (again). Maybe Megan Fox likes her face the way it is. It's her face. It's her business, literally and figuratively. So what if she changed her nose? It's hers to change. Well, sure. But consider why she might have changed it. To conform to what we as a society have agreed is the "best" way to look? Which is a symmetry and a Anglo-Saxon ideal that probably only .0000007 percent of the population on earth can achieve? Or did she alter her outsides in attempt to solve some kind conflict happening on the inside? Which rarely works?

It's Going to Be Awkward When Megan Fox's Baby Comes Out With Megan Fox's Old NoseS

Megan Fox says she was picked on when she was in school, and told Rolling Stone that she has low self-esteem:

I don't want to elaborate. I would never call myself a cutter. Girls go through different phases when they're growing up, when they're miserable and do different things, whether it's an eating disorder or they dabble in cutting. I'm really insecure about everything. I see what I look like, but there are things that I like and things that I dislike. My hair is good. The color of my eyes is good, obviously. I'm too short. But overall, I'm not super excited about the whole thing. I never think I'm worthy of anything... I have a sick feeling of being mocked all the time. I have a lot of self-loathing. Self-loathing doesn't keep me from being happy. But that doesn't mean I don't struggle. I am very vulnerable. But I can be aggressive, hurtful, domineering and selfish, too. I'm emotionally unpredictable and all over the place.

It's pretty clear that her old nose is far from the only problem; "fixing" her nose doesn't "fix" deeper issues. Maybe having a baby and seeing her old nose will shed some light on that, and she can commit herself to making sure her daughter doesn't suffer the same insecurities, seeing as how no child is born with an inferiority complex or a sense of self-loathing.

Or maybe she'll have a son.

Earlier: Docs Suspect Megan Fox Faked The No-Botox Pix