March Madness Sex vs. Chocolate: Meet Your Elite EightS

It's hard to believe that not two weeks ago, this room was full — full of 32 bright and shiny warriors in a race to the top, their eyes clear and hearts full. But for almost all of them, their dreams have been dashed. And then there were eight.

We wrapped up the Sweet Sixteen yesterday with no upsets; in the Sex bracket, Spoon (3) took down Shower (6) and BDSM (7) fell to Doggystyle (2). Meanwhile, in the delicious Chocolate bracket, sentimental favorite Hot Chocolate (11) lost to Cake (3), no doubt due to the sheer power of Team Cake. And in the most violent trouncing on the night, Brownies (2) unleashed its bloody fury upon tenth-seeded Frosting (which was also The Atlantic's Cinderella pick — all the more heartbreaking) with 80% of the vote. It was hard to watch, yet hard to look away.

March Madness Sex vs. Chocolate: Meet Your Elite EightS

If you're just joining us, where the hell have you been? Click here for a printable PDF of the original bracket, or select the image at left for an updated version. Rules of gameplay can be found here.

Move forward we must, and we do so with the utmost of respect for those aforementioned victors. So as to fully devote our attention to these tense final days, we'll be doing only one matchup a day: Sex today, Cake tomorrow, and the championship match will start Friday and go through the weekend. [Update: Guess who can't count? Me. I'll figure it out later. Maybe the championship is Monday. I don't know. I'm sleepy. Late-afternoon blood sugar crash.]

As for today's competition, we're looking to the Sex bracket, where we've got two positions that make eye contact with your partner difficult (the Selection Committee notes that this is sometimes a good thing). Number 6 seed Spoon faces off against the second sexy seed, Doggystyle. A tough call: Spooning can be intimate and pleasant if you're feeling a little lazy, but it's definitely easier to watch Game of Thrones if you're doing it doggy. So what's it going to be?

Polls will remain open until 1:00 am EDT. Now take a deep breath and dive in.