Worst Vogue Article Ever Will Now Become Worst Memoir Ever

Remember Dara-Lynn Weiss, that super cool, chillaxed mom who forced her 7-year-old daughter onto a Weight Watchers-style diet, shamed her into losing sixteen pounds, then wrote that shitty essay about it that appeared in the April issue of Vogue? Of course you do — you cut out her article and use it as parenting advice all of the time. Even those of you without kids use it to motivate the little butter babies you see on the street. "One too many Pizza Fridays, huh," you say to the little girl with baby fat that you see with her mom on the bus. To the little boy asking for a second piece of birthday cake, you just shake your head in disgust or — if you really want to drive the point home — you push him into the mud in front of all his friends.

"What is wrong with you?" the people ask, but don't let it bother you. You're just doing what Dara did. Sweet, beautiful, kind Dara — we're all on her side, really. Otherwise, why would her essay/behavior get rewarded with a book deal? It's true! You don't have to satisfy yourself with some dinky essay anymore, you get a whole fat book. The memoir, published by Marnie Cochran, will be called The Heavy (inventive) and will chronicle "an experience that epitomizes the modern parenting ‘damned if you do/damned if you don't' predicament."

Right, that modern parenting predicament! You either let your child live unhealthily until he or she turns into a flesh colored puddle or you damage their relationship with food and their own bodies for the rest of their lives. There are two — ONLY TWO — options, so pick wisely!

Controversial Vogue Essay Sparks Book Deal [Galley Cat]